Recent reviews by The Only Cure for AIDS

How the heck do I have 445 hours in this game?

This game promotes MISOGYNY. You are fully capable of roleplaying as a heteronormative cis-gendered WHITE MALE and BRUTALLY murder strong, brave, beautiful, Greek, WOMEN OF COLOR with a variety of HORRENDOUS and VIOLENT weapons. I cannot condone this game AT ALL. Not only is the murdering of these BRAVE women allowed, but it is ENCOURAGED. White males are even given MONEY to kill these brave beautiful women. The FASCISTS at Ubisoft consider WOMEN OF COLOR to simply be another animal to HUNT and PROFIT off of!

The most inclusive medieval combat game of all time.

In the grim dark future of a planet filled with Portugese communists, yellow raincoats provide little protection from heavy weaponry.

House of the Dying Sun is a space combat game that I feel is 99.99999% inspired by Relic Enterteinment's Homeworld 2. The artstyle , music, ship designs, sounds, effects, and the mission design (especially the very last mission) all feel like a homage to Homeworld 2 and the parralels enhance the experience with a familiar yet fresh setting. If they could get the voice actor of Makaan the Vaygr Warlord it would be cosmorgasmic. I fully reccomend this game despite its limited campaign since the developers have announced new content in the near future. I would aldo love to see a freeform campaign much like the one in the game but randomised and offering more ships and enemies.

Nice game with tacticle battles and Balthasar Gelt. Has info on warhammer lore and the selection of wizards is good. There is the golden boy himself Balthasar Gelt, a Bright Wizard, a Celestial Wizard, an Orc Shaman, Teclis (The grand daddy elf mage lord who is 100% badassif you don't agree you should go reavaluate your life), a Dark Elf Witch, and the Lustria Campaign brings a Slann Mage Priest and a Skink Shaman. The titled is a remaster of a mobile game so if you love to overreact horribly at the sight of in-game purchases (including new wizards, spell packs, and campaigns) you should go realvaluate your life. Balthasar Gelt has balls of solid gold, why don't you want to kick ass with Balthasar Gelt? What is wrong with you?

I bought this game back in 2005, it was a bug ridden mess. The developers put out a 'collector's edition' a few years later, which promised many bug fixes and more content, I purchased that as well. After that the developers and publisher ran into financial problems and in 2012 they announced under new management there would be a "even less bugged collectors edition" but by that time I had forgotten about the game. Now that the developers are owned by nordic games the game has come to steam a good 10 years after its initial release and guess what happened:

Played the game for 5 minutes, met a village of goblins and killed them, went into one of their huts and found a locked chest. When I interacted with the chest and I choose the lockpick option.... wait for it..... fatal error and CTD.

I guess this proves some things are never meant to be, such as this game.

Hello steam subscribers I am here to write a review for this game. Before I get into the fighting ♥♥♥♥ spirit with this review I should tell you I am a long time Total War player and started with Shogun 1 when my balls first dropped and have played everything after that and enjoyed them thoroughly (although some more than others). Since the series has been around so long players have come to expect a certain type of game when they see the total war logo with the tiny samurai horseman logo next to the letter, you know the one I'm talking aboot ;)

WHAT IS DIFFERENT?

This game for all intents and purposes is NOT a total war game, there is no turn based campaign map instead it is real time much like a command&conquer where buildings need time to finish contructing. While there are real time tactical battles, the open ended and diverse battle maps known from the other total war titles are gone as well. This means there are no terrain advantages or disadvantages (at least I have found) during battles and the battlefield is made up of 3 lanes.

+WHAT IS BATTLE?+

Each lane has 3 slots for units, and I will illustrate how you may distribute your units among these slots by making a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ diagram with text and little symbols here

front<- [ Infantry, Cavalry, and Ranged ] [ Infantry, Cavalry, and Ranged ] [ Infantry, Cavalry, Ranged, and Siege Weapon ]
front<- [ Infantry, Cavalry, and Ranged ] [ Infantry, Cavalry, and Ranged ] [ Siege Weapon ]
front<- [ Infantry, Cavalry, and Ranged ] [ Infantry, Cavalry, and Ranged ] [ Infantry, Cavalry, Ranged, and Siege Weapon ]

As you can maybe see there is SOME depth to battles, but the meat of battles and how they are decided is military orders and unit abilities and the traditional rock paper scissors gameplay of other TW tittles. And yes, I spelled titles that way on purpose. After your units gain enough experience they can unlock special abilities with a variety of effects depending ont he unit type. Each unti has 2 choices for ability. Military orders are like general abilities but you are able to use them throughout the whole battle but they have a timer cooldown between each use, unliek unit abilities which can only be used once. So troop choice is extremely important in battles and the right combination of orders and abilities.

+WHAT IS CAMPAIGN?+

The campaign map is layed out before you like a giant deep dish pizza pie on hexagonal tiles. You can build buildings, gather the resources which are silver, stone, food, and wood *INSERT STRONGHOLD "Wood Needed" VOICE CLIP HERE*. I'm pretty sick of writing this review already so I'm going to wrap it up with the big important thign about this game.

+WHAT IS LOVE?+

This game screams IPHONE WINDOWS TABLET TIME SINK. And like most other tablet time sink the pace of this game is extremely slowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. BUT: and this is where the magic happens; you can purchase a 5th resource known as gold and with this gold you can speed up harvesting, building, and purchase unique battlefield buffs such as flaming arrows and saxon mercenaries. But to be fair and ubjective you can acquire these things without payign gold, but much much slower. So slow that if you go in expecting this game to be as fast as traditional TW games you will be angry and write angry reviews containing 1 sentence referencing pop culture memes.

+BABY DONT HURT ME+

All in all I WOULD reccomend this as a game you can hop into and SLOWELY develop your realm and then exit and do other stuff, that is assuming you are not plannign on purchasing gold. If you are hopping for a cool medieval total war game you will not find it here. But if you just want a game to pass the time with, and kick some ass in some hokey battles than go ahead, I am enjoying it but its definetly not a game I can spend hours at a time playing like other TW games.

You can add me in the game or on steam to duel me and let me farm your troops for xp, I will sure be willign to return the reach around/ favor. my lords name is Hershey and he is a grizzled peasant badass.

you too can aspire to be a criminal ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ with this dlc.

This game was John Carmacks MAGNUM OPUS and coincidently the reason he quit making games.