Detective Lennie Briscoe: Can't say I blame his brother. I've known Rafael less than a day and *I* wan't to kill him...

Detective Lennie Briscoe: Love: a devastating disease instantly cured by marriage.

Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers: [referring to murder victim] Tox screen shows she had one drink, tops. No signs of sex.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Sounds like my last date.

Maitre D': [referring to the victim and her husband] She gave him a big hug.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: No kiss?
Maitre D': You married?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: I've toyed with the notion.

Detective Ed Green: How do you suppose Rafael put in his eight hours at the office and had dinner with the missus at the same time?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: If I knew, maybe I could have held onto wife number two.

Detective Lennie Briscoe: [referring to Rafael Celaya] Married ***and*** a Mets fan - he's a glutton for punishment.

Don Perazzo's mistress: [after Don Parazzo has been run over by his wife] You know he just leased that Cadillac for her about a month ago?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Turns out a Volkswagen might have been a safer bet.

Detective Lennie Briscoe: [Rafael Celaya is moaning in the back of the police car] From what I've been told at least I was a happy drunk.
Detective Ed Green: From what ***I've*** been told, I wouldn't go that far.

Detective Lennie Briscoe: Three deaths and a kidnapping; I'm only on my second cup of coffee!

Detective Ed Green: You were cheating on your husband with Reynaldo, and Marcela was cheating on Reynaldo with somebody else: am I getting this right?
Patricia Botten: Happens all the time, at least around here.
Detective Lennie Briscoe: And all this time I've been living in the wrong housing complex.

Detective Lennie Briscoe: Was it Cain who slept with Abel's wife, or the other way around? I forget.

Rafael Celaya: [referring to the victim] She was an evil woman, you know? She was married to Reynaldo and she was cheating on him.
Detective Ed Green: With you!
Rafael Celaya: She'd cheat on him, she'd cheat on me soon enough!
Detective Lennie Briscoe: You guys are weird, Rafael, but it's hard to believe you're ***that*** weird.

Detective Lennie Briscoe: [about to assist in an emergency childbirth] All right, uh, bring me some towels and boil some water.
Detective Ed Green: Do doctors really do that?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: George Clooney does, and that's good enough for me.

Lt. Anita Van Buren: [referring to babies] She couldn't have one of her own, so she figured she'd take someone else's?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Worked for Tony B.
Detective Ed Green: Who's that?
Detective Lennie Briscoe: Took my bike when I was 12.

Detective Ed Green: [answering his cellphone, about to go home after the dealing with three murders and one kidnapping in one day] We've got a jumper!
Detective Lennie Briscoe: I may join him
[cut to closing credits]

Detective Lennie Briscoe: [shirt soaked, after arresting Reynaldo Celaya in a carwash] Does this say wash and wear?