Started the game as Japan because waifu. Annexed Korea in 1840 because I am now Japanese and punctuality is important to me. Now there are angry Korean nationalists everywhere. I let it pass because Korea makes literally the best fried chicken. I'm not even joking. Suddenly angry revolutionaries spring up in the home islands demanding political reforms. My army hops from province to province punching liberals. Alex Jones would like this game.

Russia subsumes glorious waifu empire under its sphere of influence. I glare at them in Japanese (in Katakana because I am not a noobcasual). Their time will come. I spring the Meiji Restoration before the Meiji Emperor was historically alive because I am the animes now and I can do anything.

I invade Chinese Manchuria because reasons. Russia gets uppity and intervenes. After sustaining casualties that would make Luigi Cadorna sit up and be all like "hey hold up wait a sec" and make Douglas Haig ill but in an understated British manner, the Sino-Russian coalition agrees to peace on my terms. I get Manchuria, Sakhalin and this totally rad beer mug shaped like Boris Yeltsin's head. Japan is now considered a Great Power. Who's in whose sphere now? I high-five Field Marshall Mannerheim and we trade disparaging stories about the Russian Tsar. Remember that time when he choked on a pretzel? No. No, that was Richard the Lionheart. I think. I was sneak-reading Fist of the North Star during that particular history class, so my facts might be spotty. But I do know Kenshiro could arm-wrestle Leonid Brezhnev and win. Omae wa mo shinderu.

I embark on a charm offensive and bring Dai Nam into my sphere of influence because I am a magnanimous waifu overlord. A couple of years later they riot in front of my embassy and force me to withdraw my mission. I am now full of rage and the sake I bought specifically for this playthrough. Wrapped around my head is a Hachimaki bandana with Japanese characters on it. I was told those were the characters for "kamikaze". My friend who knows Japanese told me they're actually the characters for "stupid gaijin". I glare at him in Japanese. Liar. He must be a Dai Nam sympathiser.

I send the Imperial Guard into Dai Nam. It is now my colony. I flood its market with yaoi doujin because I can do that now. Tomorrow, I will declare war on the United Kingdom to prove that matcha is better than English breakfast tea.

11/10 would weeb again.