Hello, I am currently 15 years old and I want to become a walrus. I know there's a million people out there just like me, but I promise you I'm different. On December 14th, I'm moving to Antarctica; home of the greatest walri. I've already cut off my arms, and now slide on my stomach everywhere I go as training. I may not be a walrus yet, but I promise you if you give me a chance and the support I need, I will become the greatest walrus ever. Thank you all.

I sexually Identify as John Cena. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of defending my WWE championship at WWE SUPERSLAM. People say to me that a person being John Cena is Impossible and I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ retarded but I don't care, You Can't See Me. I'm having Vince McMahon inject me with Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect. From now on I want you guys to call me "Champ" and respect my right to Five Knuckle Shuffle and Never Give Up. If you can't accept me you're a cenaphobe and need to check your championship privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

From now on I wish to be refered to as "Sherman." I am getting a sex change to change myself into what I've always known I've wanted to be, a M4A3E1-Sherman tank. I will be having a 76mm cannon attached to my forehead and my penis replaced with a 15mm turret. I will also be having my feet replaced with treads, I know that lots of this sounds painful and maybe embarresing, so that's why I will be getting the anal smoke screen install, so I can hide when I please. I will need to, and I quote my doctor, "blow some ♥♥♥♥ up everyone once in a while" So I hope you understand if I come crashing through your door with "Born in the USA" playing in the background as I insert my freedom into your mouth.

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

Chessur - MVP #1