Welcome, profile wanderer!
You’ve stumbled upon the sacred land of xÖ — not your average player.


I’m the guy who buys a smoke, forgets to use it, rushes B with a Mac-10, and top-frags with 144Hz and a dream.

🎮 Playstyle:

I’m not a smurf. I just play bad every single game.

When my team pushes A long, I’m still chilling in T spawn... making deep eye contact with a chicken.

I throw flashes that blind both the enemy and my teammates — I believe in equal opportunity.

I AWP with hope, not aim.

🧨 Strategy:

I rush Banana on Inferno because potassium is important.

Dust2 is my second home. CT-side? I defend with prayers.

“Rush B cyka blyat” isn’t just a tactic, it’s a lifestyle.

💬 Team Comms:

Mic always on, info always vague: “I think I saw someone... somewhere.”

Muted during fights, loud after clutches: “Ez game bro 😎”

I don’t flame. I provide emotional commentary: “Your gameplay just tanked the economy, king.”

🕹️ Gear:

Mouse: 2015 model — right click works sometimes, just like my team strategies: occasionally.

Keyboard: It has RGB, but my performance is strictly grayscale.

Headset: Left ear hears enemy footsteps, right ear hears only disappointment.

Monitor: 144Hz, but my brain dreams in 360Hz. What I see and what I shoot rarely match.

PC: Opening Chrome drops my CS2 FPS. If someone talks on Discord, the game freezes in protest.

Cooling: My PC runs so hot it brings Inferno vibes to every map.

Cable Management: A snake pit. My enemies don’t tilt me — my own wires do.

Crosshair: Blue and black, because I want to spiritually align with the blue screen.

Chair: Squeaks every time I die — which is often. True 5.1 surround betrayal experience.

Internet: Ping so high I fake my death three seconds after getting shot. I call it method acting.

📈 Rank:

6lvl in game, 10lvl in spirit.

I once dropped 12 kills in a match. National holiday.

Discord? Nah, just Faceit

🏆 Achievements:

In 2013, I lost 4 teammates... all by myself.

In 2016, I flashed all my teammates. It was out of love.

In 2025, I entered a smoke and never came out.

🔒 Disclaimer:
VAC didn’t catch my ex, it won’t catch me either. Suspicious plays? Nah, just incredibly inconsistent talent.