hottest girl ive ever seen

dream guuurl<3

Alles gute zum Geburtstag ❤️

Why does my boyfriend want me to hold his balls while we sleep all night?

It’s cute don’t get me wrong but I don’t get why he wants me to. He doesn’t want me to hold his ♥♥♥♥ saying it’s too sensitive/arousing for long term holding but used to ask so regularly for me to hold his nuts while we sleep that now I just do it every night. Does anyone else want their balls held, or want their partners to hold their balls as they sleep, why?

You know it. I know it. We all know it. The Turkey is the national animal of Turkey.

You aren't fooling us, Turkey. Do you REALLY think we would believe that the bird and the country would NOT have that bird as their national animal? You would rather have us believe that a GRAY WOLF is your animal?! Ludicrous, preposterous.

Through dedicated online research I have discovered that they supposedly didn't even have a proper word for what a turkey animal was. What a load of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥! So many LIES, TO HIDE THE REAL TRUTH!!!

WHAT DARK SECRETS IS THE TURKISH GOVERNMENT HIDING FROM US? What is so evil that they must spin a false narrative of history just to throw us off, keep us from discovering the true, diabolical actions they have committed.

I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ onto you, Turkey. I won't let you get away with whatever you have done, for the good of humanity. I will find out what you did, and I will punish you accordingly.

I’m 16 and like 5’3 or 5’4(yes short I know I hear it all the time). We were talking and another guy got brought up and he’s much taller, a joke was made and so she said “but he’s like 6’5” and followed it up by saying “n you’re amongus sized”
This is genuinely the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me.

Do dark coloured iPhone's have worse thermals?

So I'm planning to buy a new iPhone and I really like the black color as it looks classy.

However I'm concerned about the heating element as I'm a from a tropical climate so temperatures are usually between 40-50°C. So at this point will a darker color make the phone more hot as per the laws of physics?

no one can be like her!!

ilyy<3

Mein Tipp: Asthmatiker können aufgrund ihrer Krankheit nicht schnell rennen und stellen damit nur eine sehr geringe Gefahr für Frauen dar. Täuscht man also vor, Asthmatiker zu sein, fühlt sich die Frau sicherer. Ich atme deswegen immer laut und schwerfällig, wenn ich nachts hinter einer Frau gehe. Um zu simulieren, ich würde Asthmaspray brauchen, greife ich dann hin und wieder in meine Hosentasche. Natürlich würde ich auffliegen, wenn ich dann keins hervorhole, also sage ich gerade noch hörbar "jetzt noch nicht...später" zu mir selbst während ich schwer atme. So wirkt es, also könnte ich es noch etwas aushalten, bevor ich das Spray benutzen muss. Sobald sie dann um eine Ecke biegt, hole ich eimal tief Luft und sage "oh jaaa", um zu simulieren, ich hätte Asthmaspray eingenommen. Dann folge ich ihr deutlich schnelleren Schrittes, um selbiges zu verdeutlichen. So sollte sie sich völlig sicher fühlen.

Hallo liebe Freunde,

Ich bin ein 49 jähriger Mann, der aktuell in Hannover wohnt. Schon seit einem Jahr kann ich mich nicht mehr dazu bringen, meinen Arsch abzuwischen, und als Folge haben sich von mir sowohl Familienangehörige als auch Freunde leider distanziert. Laut ihnen sei mein Geruch doch ,,unerträglich."

Und zwar habe ich das Gefühl, dass dies alles erhebliche politische Implizierungen hat.

Wenn sich schon von mir nunmehr sämtliche diese Leute distanzieren, kann es doch sein, dass die AfD weiterhin zunehmend mehr gewählt wird, einfach weil sich mehr Leute einbilden, dass manche, aufgrund ihrer unveränderlichen Unterschiede, eben nicht als zu gut behandelnde Menschen zählen.

Also, was meint ihr?

Theoretically hypothetically speaking, if I had a small penis, how would I make it larger?

Of course, this is just a theoretical hypothetical question that I am asking for a friend. This is in no way, shape, form, or size, related to me in any way. My penis is quite large. TOO large, in fact. Sometimes I have trouble fitting it in my pants and I wish it was smaller. And thanks to my large penis, I have sex with lots of sexy women who have sex with me. If anything, the real question I should be asking is how do I make my penis smaller? It's simply too massive. It gets in the way of my daily life every day, 100% of the days. I can't even walk around without people staring at my penis because it's so large my pants can barely hold it in. As a person with a large penis, I am simply curious how I can assist my friend that has a small penis to make it larger.

Hey guys. I recently set up a glory hole at my front door and it’s non stop traffic. Day, night, afternoon.. almost every time I walk past my front door, there’s a ♥♥♥♥ that’s been inserted through the hole. It was exciting at first but I’m feeling burnt out. I’m finding if I don’t respond at the other side, I hear grumbling and yelling and even threats.

How do I create firm, assertive boundaries with the glory hole? While making my community feel welcomed to participate?

Survivor mains have gone too far now.

I was at work the other day and I was thinking to myself about those ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ survivors escaping while I'm stuck at work. I was cursing to myself about those pesky survivors. Mumbling to myself about how I was going to rip them to pieces, I was laughing maniacally to myself, screaming about all the blood!

Next thing I know, my manager pulls me into his office and says there have been customer complaints and asked for an explanation.

It's pretty clear what is going on. Those ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ survivors are so tired of getting slaughtered by me that they found out where I work, posed as customers and complained about me to management in order to get revenge! They have gone too far this time!

In Dire Need of Kittens

I have 5 very large Python snakes and 3 young Python snakes currently in great need of food. There appears to be shortage of stray kittens that I regularly pick up on the road. Got kittens? I can pick them up immediately! No need to wait until they're of age to separate from the mother. My snakes are hungry and they need those kittens now. I also accept bunnies and hamsters.

Plants are the most perverted, down bad, sex-addicted things in the world.

Do you know what a flower is? Is the dammed reproductive organ of a plant. That means, once a flower blooms, it's just a plant thrusting out it's genitalia. Oh, do you know what's even better? Many of those ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ are also ambisexual. So they are shoving their vagina aswell as their balls into your face.

Let's not forget about the fact just HOW fast they are when it comes to them being creampied by other blossoms. Did I already mention that self-pollination exists?.
WHY DO THEY WANNA BE ♥♥♥♥♥♥ BY THEIR OWN PENIS?

They will literally bloom as the first action after winter.
WHY AREN'T YOU GROWING FIRST? WHY DO YOU WANT YO ♥♥♥♥ SO BADLY?!

Also, as you should know by now, smelling flowers is essentially sticking your nose into a crotch.
Having cut flowers is preserving genitalia in a vase, just to smell it later.

And worst of all?
ANIMALS HELP THESE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ OUT. BEES LITERALLY DRINK A FLOWER'S ♥♥♥!!

Sucks to be a man in current society and expected to be dominant! having to build houses, go to war and ♥♥♥♥! Can't I just be like a woman but a man? Like imagine men being naturally weaker and shorter to women, being more submissive AND EVEN HAVING LESS RIGHTS! can you imagine an extremely attractive woman wanting to take away all rights from me and turning me into the perfect house husband? Can you imagine seeing women trying to justify raping men? Just because "they are weaker" ? Like ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ yes mommy rape me! I just came all over the screen thinking about it, imagine being gang raped by 15 beautiful, tall women! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥! I am currently writing this while horny, because as they say "horny words are non-horny thoughts" i just also wanna wear a bride dress to marriages, I want to be spoiled, carried and be a little good boy, can you imagine a woman bigger than you destroying your butthole whit a 16 inches strap on dildo and calling you "good boy" as soon as you finish?

Okay so I (16F now) have a dude (27M now) I sent photos to in 2020 that still texts me saying he loves me and thinks about me daily- how do I end it?

Okay so back in 2020, weird year, weird choices, I started a slight thing (nothing meaningful) with this guy from thousands of miles away after we had some good talks. Soon after he started pushing things a bit further, and at the time I was young and didn’t know how to let people down, so I ended up pretty much leading him on. Then it came to a point where he was asking for pictures, and in my head there was no reason not to, so I sent them.

Now every couple months he’ll say something like “hey I miss you, I still think about you every day” and I typically ignore it until the chat expires but sometimes I ask how his life’s been to be there and all despite not having feelings for him nor wanting to talk to him. I just feel bad.

How do I stop this without hurting him too much?

I met this cool guy at a bar. He seemed really into me and we hit it off right away. We exchanged numbers and he invited me back to his place. We got there and he was already in bed, his phone charging next to him. I climbed in, feeling a bit weird about the whole thing, but he was so insistent. We had sex, it was amazing, and then I passed out.

When I woke up, I saw his phone on the nightstand and decided to take a look, but there's an Apple logo on there! That's when I realized he was an iPhone user. I felt a wave of regret wash over me. I don't know why, but I just can't be with someone who uses iPhone. It's not that I hate them or anything, it's just that I've always been more of an Android girl.

Now, I'm trying to decide what to do. Do I just pretend like nothing happened and leave? Do I confront him about it? Or do I try to make things work despite our differences? I mean, we had amazing sex, and he seemed really into me. Maybe I could change his mind about iPhone?

"omg hahaha, you're attracted to this very feminine-ooking person but oopsie-whoopsie, they're a guy! Now you're ga-
Shut the ♥♥♥♥ up. No, I am not. (No offense to gay people, luv y'all)
When I see a fanboy, what I am attracted to is their FEMININITY. Their smooth lithe arms, their thick fatty thighs, their curved hips. Especially their feminine clothing like blouses, mini-skirts, garter belts, stockings, etc.
I am turned off by their MASCULINE components if any. Sharp jawlines, wide shoulders, facial hair, etc. And ESPECIALLY if they have a bulge or their junk showing because that is one of their most MASCULINE components. If you see a naked femboy and are still attracted, then you are gay because you are attracted to one of their BIGGEST MASCULINE components.
I am attracted to their feminine components, therefore I am NOT gay!

Mich Kotzen die Döner Feinschmecker hier an.

Mir dich scheiß egal was für Fleisch da drin ist.
Solange der Döner schmeckt dann schmeckt er und dafür braucht es nicht Wagyu das zu Tode gestreichelt wurde.
Gib mir einfach meinen drei Euro Otto Döner wieder. Halt dein Maul mit Kichererbsen und Mais. Salat Zwiebeln rotkraut mehr braucht ein Döner nicht.
8€ für eine einfache Mahlzeit ist ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ zu viel. Wenn ihr Krösi euch das leisten könnt freut mich das für euch. Aber haltet euer Maul alles andere als euer Freiland Öko Schnitzel Döner als Verbrechen zu kategoriesieren.
Hört auf den Wucher zu normalisieren.
Ich will Döner für die Massen, nicht verkappte Feinschmeckerkost. Erst haben die Hipster mit ihren schwarzen Gummihandschuhen die Bürger Preise ruiniert und jetzt ist auch der Döner dran.

♥♥♥♥ inspection is NOT required at the literature club!!!! don't be tricked like me!!

So I was about to start my first day in the club when all of a sudden this club "president" came up to me and said that there was something wrong with my club application form and asked me to follow her to the back. When we went around back she said that I had to take off my pants and show my ♥♥♥♥ because penis size is the most accurate way to confirm student identity. Because I thought she was a honorable club leader I swiftly removed my pants and underwear to show her my member. After she fondled it for a bit she said it was good and I could go back into the club room. It was only after I got home I realized that she forgot to check my balls too!!! She was obviously not certified to check such an area and I immediately contacted the principal about her presence. Please do not fall for any tricks like I did! stay safe!!!1!11!

Sorry, nach geltendem EU Recht ist es sehr wohl erlaubt sich in Fichtenwälder einen zu scheuern. Alle anderen waldarten sind aufgrund des Maastrichter Abkommens der Waldwixxerei geschütztes Wichsgebiet und somit darf in ihnen nicht abgesahnt bzw dürfen diese nicht bewixxt werden.

Bei extremen Notfällen gilt aber immer: um Höheres Übel zu vermeiden kann geringeres Übel als Straffrei angesehen werden. Bsp: du schlägst in einer Bank eine Glastür ein um vor einem Feuer zu flüchten. Sachbeschädigung, aber in diesem Fall erlaubt.

Also bevor dir ein Ei platzt ist es somit auch in allen Wäldern erlaubt abzu-nut-en. Ich hoffe diese Diskussion ist nun ein für alle mal beendet. Ich kann dieses Halbwissen zur waldwixxerei nicht mehr hören!

Females don't look nearly as good as men

They need makeup and all that. They rape men by deception, that is makeup. More men are victims of female rape, than the other way around.

Women do all the surgeries, boob jobs, nose jobs. When they hit 30, their ovaries shrivel into dry plums and they're unusable.

Vaginas are also looking very creepy and I hope I never see one. Penises are more aesthetically pleasing.

edit: stop calling me gay, I'm just a penis admirer

Good morning Sir, we at the World Society of Urology have received your questions by email, and it is a pleasure to answer them:


1)Yes, 5 cm is considered small. We suggest surgical procedure.

2) No, it is not common for condoms to be loose. There is no PP size, the size is unique.

3) Although 5 cm is a very small size, it is possible for the partner to reach orgasm during sexual intercourse, so if this does not occur in your relationships as mentioned, it may be a lack of competence on your part.

4) No, you cannot take the touch exam, it is only for people over 50 years old. Please do not insist.

5) The strong desire for people of the same sex can be a strong sign of a tendency towards homosexuality

Habe schon WIEDER in die Ecke meines Zimmers kacken müssen

Leute es ist nich mehr feierlich, ich muss oft direkt wenn ich aufwache aufs klo. Aber seit ich in meiner neuen WG bin, ist diese Zeit magischerweise synchronisiert mit dem Kloverhalten meiner Mitbewohnerin. Keine Ahnung wie, aber sie ist meistens genau dann auf Klo wenn ich morgens übelst scheissen muss. Ich habe das ein paar mal irgendwie ausgehalten, aber heute musste ich schon wieder notgedrungen auf eine Plastiktüte kacken! Das ist doch einfach nich mehr feierlich.

Leute, macht eure Beckenbosenübungen!!

My cat hates white women. Please help.

I have a 5 year old cat who is usually very confident and comfortable around visitors. However she is absolutely terrified every time white women come over. If they try to approach her, she will hiss, spit and try to scratch.
She has done this with all white women, even ones she has never met before.
I got her at 10 weeks old and she was raised by a non-white family before that.

The only possible explanation I have is that her both the vet and groomer are white women and she has been left traumatised after her experiences with them.

+rep cute surv sadly randoms are not the best I won't k*ll you next time I promise <3

Me and my bro were broing out at the couch until naturally, within minutes, we were comparing ♥♥♥♥ sizes and mathing out the sizes of the characters in The Big Bang Theory. My bro, lets call him LittlPenis, told me my pecker was 'sheldon sized' and I was obviously infuriated. He told me he was Raj and pulled out a metre long ruler to prove it. He stared at me with a smirk on his face and we measured a meek... ten inches? I was trying not to laugh and I told him he was severely below average sized (i haven't googled but i just assume the average is around 12 inches) and when he told me "no its not, and you probably have a smaller penis", i extended my Peter to the other side of the couch to turn off the tv and yoinked my pants down, presenting my 15 inch schlong. He was super embarrassed and stood in the corner of the room facing away from me for the rest of the hang out. I felt a little bad but overall understood that he was being extremely immature.

Yeah. I love beating the ♥♥♥♥ out of my kids with my belt. "YOU SPILT MILK ON THE COUNTER AGAIN YOU LITTLE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥! GET DOWN HERE!"
My son crying his eyes out while his two sister watch. "Please daddy, stop. Please. OW! WAH! OW! WAH WAH"
"THIS HURTS ME MORE THAN IT HURTS YOU!!!" SMACK SMACK SMACK
That's what children these days are missing, right? Holy ♥♥♥♥.

Guys am I the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ for kidnapping women at night?
I (31m) have been kidnapping women since I was 16. It's been a hobby that helps with my anxiety and helps me with day to day stresss. Recently I've been getting hate for it that I just don't understand. I don't do anything bad, I just keep them locked up in a underground facility untill I get a large portion of money in exchange for the person(s) I kidnapped. I'm having a hard time recently and most my family dosnt agree with me. AITA?

So my little brother(13M) is possibly the stupidest boy on the planet. He used the bathroom and took a tactical nuke of a ♥♥♥♥ in the porcelain throne and plugged the toilet. So he goes to get the plunger, the normal thing to do. He gets side tracked and after reminding him he grabs it and tries to unplug it. He then couldn't get it for a few minutes and tried flushing it. It didn't work, so he kept going. He is attempting quite poorly to unplug the toilet and is complaining to me that he can't get it. He then flushes again and the toilet nearly overflows. He wanders off and pouts cause I'm telling him to stop ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ and keep going. I go in there and in about 20 "pumps" of the plunger its unplugged. I then told him to wipe up the ♥♥♥♥ water on the floor and clean up the bathroom in general. He then proceeds to do the least amount of cleaning possible and leaves ♥♥♥♥ and ♥♥♥♥ water all over the toilet. This kid is 13 and he is incapable of cleaning the damn bathroom!

It isn’t gay to be attracted to femboys.

Femboys are feminine by definition, and being attracted to femboys as a male is, therefore, not gay at all. It’s as heterosexual as it gets.

Tomboys, on the other hand, are masculine, so being attracted to them as a male is the textbook definition of gay.

And no, I’m not homophobic. Just stating my opinion.

So I, God (Alpha and the Omega), was surveying my creation earlier and was pleased with it. Until I got to Antarctica.

I witnessed a horse, forsaken by his wife, rape another human using a pile of ♥♥♥♥ as bait. Now he’s letting all his other horsey friends join in. At first, I was really mad only at the horse but then I saw that the man was enjoying it. Now my wrath has been extended to the entirety of Antarctica.

I did not make horses with the intention of them being in Antarctica, nor did I intend for them to rape humans. That is why Bill is going to die for his sins. Antarctica has been defiled, and so I will remove it from this planet. While I am at it, I will also cause all horses to go extinct by killing the females and forcing the males to die off. They will be forced to rape each other.

I do not care if I am the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. I do whatever I want because I am God.

great surv

In a heated argument a couple of days back, girlfriend(25F) said I(29M) had a small ♥♥♥♥ and doubled down on it. She said she would like to get fu*ked by a big ♥♥♥♥ and I'm useless.
This has affected me a lot. She has been apologizing since then as she said she wanted to get a reaction from me as I was avoiding sexual contact. She says she didn't mean it whatsoever. I don't believe her though.

I love her but how do I recover from this? I feel like her comments about my (small) ♥♥♥♥ changed me in my core. How do I get to a position where I can start having sex with her again?

Edit: for those wondering, my ♥♥♥♥ is 4.2 inches.

I know a lot of the comments will be dump her. Small penis should not be a dump cause under normal circumstances. So please refrain from that and give me advise on how to recover from being called small ♥♥♥♥♥♥.

How to find schizo boyfriend?

So, I’ve been struggling to find myself a man that is “like me”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ok with being alone. I trust that God’s plan for me is way better than anything I could ever plan for.

But it’s been really strange that I can never find anyone schizo enough IRL. I’ve fallen in love with men in the FB ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ scene in the past. That’s all fine and well, but it just seems weird that I can’t find someone like me IRL. Even the men online haven’t reached that level.

Im all for joking around and sharing relevant schizo memes. But also, this ♥♥♥♥ is my actual life. It’s not just a meme. Where can I find a real man who GETS IT? Like, we are legitimately up against the synagogue of satan. How tf can I find myself a man IRL who is ready to rebuild society with me when everything crumbles?

I can’t seem to find this dream man of mine on dating sites. Idk where tf I would even begin to look IRL.

How do I go about this?

Its been over a week without bananas in Fortnite, I can’t stop shaking and I’m having severe mental breakdowns. I woke up today trying to find a banana but I couldn't find any, I had a major panic attack but managed to calm down after a few hours. I couldn’t go to school today, I am so worried that I even took my dads gun from the shed, thinking of killing myself. I am nothing without bananas in Fortnite, it is my life, it is my destiny, without bananas in Fortnite, I wouldn't be able to do anything. Bananas in Fortnite is the best thing ever made and I can't get rid of my addiction to it, it is the best consumable in existence . I can't stop trembling and crying, I am very worried. I used all of my money on Fortnite bananas, I bought bananas for myself and for my girlfriend CoolDjoleProGamerYT. I don't know what to do. Fortnite bananas can't be gone for any longer cause if it does then I'll go insane again.. breaking my mouse, chair, house and everything I own.

It all started when my base in Clash of Clans got 3 star raided by a bloke who only used Hog Rider's. Ever since that day all I could ever hear before i went to sleep was "HOOOOG RIIIDAAA", the infinite loop of the high pitched war cry, made me view the world in a different manner. I had come to understand how the universe functioned. From the vibrations of molecules and atoms, all the way to the true scale and interactions of the observable universe. I was cursed with knowledge that far exceeded what is comprehendible. But with all the information i had attained, there was still one question i didn't have the answer to, and this was perhaps the most important question in the cosmos. How much is Hog Rider Packin? to the exact inch how big truly is it? The last 7 years have been solely dedicated to solving this question, and the result of those seven years have been shown on the 'ball touchers' yt channel

cute killer

Did my cat just jizz on me?

Hello,

I normally sleep with my cat in my bed. He is a 9 month old neutered male rag doll. It is 2:00 am and he made possibly the most treacherous sound that I cannot describe; almost like he was in a fight.

I woke up immediately and turned the lights on but before I could see what was happening I only saw him laying on his back playfully.

I thought that I must have had a bad dream since my girlfriend was still sound asleep but then I noticed there were little droplets on the sheets so I knew something must have happened.

As I investigated I found some droplets on the back of my girlfriends shirt and some larger spots on the bed, but my cat seemed perfectly clean.

Is he okay? Has anyone heard about cats making an almost mortifying noise and then dispersing something like a mist?

I tried googling cats “spraying” but those seem like a lot more liquid than what was on the bed.

Thanks for any help…

I'm a straight guy, and I'm willing to stick my neck out here and publicly declare that I do not want to make love to Ryan Gosling. I don't even find the man attractive to be honest.

I know what you're all thinking, and don't bother saying it because I've heard it all before. "You aren't attracted to Ryan Gosling? And you claim to be a straight man? A likely story."

For years now I've been told that I'm not a real man, there's something wrong with me, I have a "mental sickness" etc. But all your bullying has no effect. I am still not attracted to Ryan Gosling.

Penguins are making me go mentally insane, they locked me up in an insane asylum because of penguins. I have not gotten anything to eat because of penguins. They forced me to stay still for eternity because of penguins. The voices in my head are getting louder because of penguins.

I (34M) am absolutely infatuated with milk. I'm not just talking about enjoying a glass now and then; I'm talking about a deep, abiding love that borders on obsession.

From the moment I wake up to the time I hit the hay, milk is on my mind. It's the first thing I reach for in the morning, and sometimes, it's the last thing I sip on before bed. There's just something about that creamy, soothing taste that I can't get enough of.

I know some people might raise an eyebrow at my dairy devotion. They'll say, "Hey, isn't that a bit much?" But let me tell you, I've tried all the other beverages out there, and nothing comes close to the pure joy of milk.

It's not just about the taste, though. Milk's got all sorts of good stuff packed into it—protein, calcium, you name it. Plus, it's incredibly versatile. You can drink it straight up, pour it over cereal, or whip up a mean milkshake. The possibilities are endless.
Milk lovers, unite!

Sorry, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. I was busy giving a talk at an academic conference on this very ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ topic. If you think you know better than me about this ♥♥♥♥, then show me your doctorate in Masturbation Studies from ♥♥♥♥’s Ford University. I wrote my dissertation on gooning in 2009. I ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ INVENTED the term before you plebeian masturbators even knew what the term meant. I have done studies on arm girth disproportionality and I am published in dozens of journals. My opus spans several multidisciplinary works, on everything from the modern sociological effects of gooning to the presence of gooning-based imagery in the Homerian epics. I am the #1 certified author on AND demonstrator of this practice. Don’t ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ speak for me, because my right arm is bigger than my left, and my left arm is bigger than both of yours. Don’t ever call a pubic intellectual of my standing a “prick.” You are the prick. So much anti-intellectualism on this website ffs. ♥♥♥♥ all of you.

smash

Yeah I don't know. I'm 9 months pregnant so dreams have just been really odd lately. Even though I already have had odd dreams all my life.

Anyway. I was sucking Joe biden and some other white mans feet. Like both their feet completely in my mouth. The worst part is that I was getting off to it. I woke up mid orgasm. No. I don't like feet whatsoever. Nor do I like Joe biden. I have no ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ idea why I had this dream and why it aroused my sleeping mind. I'm disgusted. Hope this amuses someone else. I'm traumatized lol.

EDIT: THIS IS NOT POLITICAL I DO NOT CARE FOR POLITICS AND HAVE NO IDEA WHY I DREAMED ABOUT JOE BIDENS FEET LOL

It has come to our attention that students have been masturbating in the school bathrooms. Masturbating on school property is ILLEGAL and against school district policy.
The bathroom pipes are NOT designed to handle human discharge or anything other than your regular bathroom duties.
The excessive amount of discharge build-up has caused a blockage in the pipes,
Multiple pipes have become close to bursting due to the amount of excessive semen build-up. This will cost THOUSANDS of dollars coming from our funds to repair the damage caused by this.
Please masturbate in your own homes and at your own disposal
If any discharge is discovered in the bathroom, it will be collected and analyzed to determine who it belongs to. If it is discovered that the discharge is yours, you WILL be fined $1,000 and be reported to proper authorities.
Sincerely,
pamela smith

Is my therapist an ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥? She said this:

Nope, you've never ever jerked off to angry birds.

None of that ever happened to you. You were not a 13 year old boy who got turned on by angry birds. You are an adult who is trying to find ways to pass the time. This whole story is a figment of your imagination, a product of your boredom. It's not real, and it never happened. You actually live in your mom's basement, working on a degree in computer science. Your real passion is playing video games and writing code. You have a normal sexuality, and you don't jerk off to animated characters. Get a grip on reality and stop wasting your time with these childish fantasies.

"We'll be having sex with robots in 10 years"

Yeah, but it better be an actual robot and not one of these mannequins with synth skin and a FLESHLIGHT.

When I say I want to ♥♥♥♥ a robot, I mean I want to ♥♥♥♥ a robot. I want to ♥♥♥♥ the T-800 Terminator. I want to ♥♥♥♥ Paulie's Robot from Rocky IV. I want to clap Rosie's Iron cheeks. I want to make Johnny 5 feel alive. And then, I want to combine all my sexbots into a 50 foot tall Megazord style sexbot and ♥♥♥♥ it too.