🐯🚕

Kyk Kean my naam is geel

Merry Christmas my friend <3

janno is cool of gay mby jk jk unless

Ok

Hys actually gaaay, hy hou van big

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⡿⠻⡷⢀⠀⣿⠀⠇⢾⠇⡸⢰⣿⠠⡭⢤⢀⡿⢰⡇⢘⠠⡭⢤⡇
⣿⣶⣶⣿⣷⣶⣾⠀⣶⣶⣷⣾⣿⣶⣶⣿⣾⣷⣾⣷⣾⣶⣶⣿⡇⠀
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Tottie so klein soos die man se brein™
-George Lukas

xdddd

Autism is spreading like an epidemic.shrek is the cure

Got scammed in fortnut lmao

A bit of Shrek to ease your health

Farquaad has arrived with a group of his men. He looks very regal
sitting up on his horse. You would never guess that he's only
like 3 feet tall. Donkey wakes up with a yawn as the soldiers
march by.

DONKEY
What'd I miss? What'd I miss? (spots
the soldiers) (muffled) Who said that?
Couldn't have been the donkey.

FARQUAAD
Princess Fiona.

SHREK
As promised. Now hand it over.

FARQUAAD
Very well, ogre. (holds out a piece
of paper) The deed to your swamp, cleared
out, as agreed. Take it and go before
I change my mind. (Shrek takes the paper)
Forgive me, Princess, for startling
you, but you startled me, for I have
never seen such a radiant beauty before.
I'm Lord Farquaad.

FIONA
Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. (Farquaad
snaps his fingers) Forgive me, my lord,
for I was just saying a short... (Watches
as Farquaad is lifted off his horse
and set down in front of her. He comes
to her waist.) farewell.

FARQUAAD
Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have
to waste good manners on the ogre. It's
not like it has feelings.

FIONA
No, you're right. It doesn't.

Donkey watches this exchange with a curious look on his face.

FARQUAAD
Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless
Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage.
Will you be the perfect bride for the
perfect groom?

FIONA
Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would
make - -

FARQUAAD
(interrupting) Excellent! I'll start
the plans, for tomorrow we wed!

FIONA
No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get
married today before the sun sets.


FARQUAAD
Oh, anxious, are you? You're right.
The sooner, the better. There's so much
to do! There's the caterer, the cake,
the band, the guest list. Captain, round
up some guests! (a guard puts Fiona
on the back of his horse)

FIONA
Fare-thee-well, ogre.

Farquaad's whole party begins to head back to DuLoc. Donkey watches
them go.

DONKEY
Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting
her get away.

SHREK
Yeah? So what?

DONKEY
Shrek, there's something about her you
don't know. Look, I talked to her last
night, She's - -

SHREK
I know you talked to her last night.
You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if
you two are such good friends, why don't
you follow her home?

DONKEY
Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you.

SHREK
I told you, didn't I? You're not coming
home with me. I live alone! My swamp!
Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody!
Especially useless, pathetic, annoying,
talking donkeys!

DONKEY
But I thought - -

SHREK
Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong!
(stomps off)

DONKEY
Shrek.

Montage of different scenes. Shrek arriving back home. Fiona
being fitted for the wedding dress. Donkey at a stream running
into the dragon. Shrek cleaning up his house. Fiona eating dinner
alone. Shrek eating dinner alone.

SHREK'S HOME

Shrek is eating dinner when he hears a sound outside. He goes
outside to investigate.

SHREK
Donkey? (Donkey ignores him and continues
with what he's doing.) What are you
doing?

DONKEY
I would think, of all people, you would
recognize a wall when you see one.


SHREK
Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed
to go around my swamp, not through it.

DONKEY
It is around your half. See that's your
half, and this is my half.

SHREK
Oh! Your half. Hmm.

DONKEY
Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess.
I did half the work. I get half the
booty. Now hand me that big old rock,
the one that looks like your head.


SHREK
Back off!

DONKEY
No, you back off.

SHREK
This is my swamp!

DONKEY
Our swamp.

SHREK
(grabs the tree branch Donkey is working
with) Let go, Donkey!

DONKEY
You let go.

SHREK
Stubborn jackass!

DONKEY
Smelly ogre.

SHREK
Fine! (drops the tree branch and walks
away)

DONKEY
Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through
with you yet.

SHREK
Well, I'm through with you.

DONKEY
Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always,
"Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now
it's my turn! So you just shut up and
pay attention! You are mean to me. You
insult me and you don't appreciate anything
that I do! You're always pushing me
around or pushing me away.

SHREK
Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so
bad, how come you came back?

DONKEY
Because that's what friends do! They
forgive each other!

SHREK
Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive
you... for stabbin' me in the back!
(goes into the outhouse and slams the
door)

DONKEY
Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers,
onion boy, you're afraid of your own
feelings.

SHREK
(os) Go away!

DONKEY
There you are , doing it again just
like you did to Fiona. All she ever
do was like you, maybe even love you.


SHREK
(os) Love me? She said I was ugly, a
hideous creature. I heard the two of
you talking.

DONKEY
She wasn't talkin' about you. She was
talkin' about, uh, somebody else.


SHREK
(opens the door and comes out) She wasn't
talking about me? Well, then who was
she talking about?

DONKEY
Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything.
You don't wanna listen to me. Right?
Right?

SHREK
Donkey!

DONKEY
No!

SHREK
Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? (sigh)
I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big,
stupid, ugly ogre. Can you forgive me?

DONKEY
Hey, that's what friends are for, right?


SHREK
Right. Friends?

DONKEY
Friends.

SHREK
So, um, what did Fiona say about me?


DONKEY
What are you asking me for? Why don't
you just go ask her?

SHREK
The wedding! We'll never make it in
time.

DONKEY
Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's
a will, there's a way and I have a way.
(whistles)

Suddenly the dragon arrives overhead and flies low enough so
they can climb on.

SHREK
Donkey?

DONKEY
I guess it's just my animal magnetism.


They both laugh.

SHREK
Aw, come here, you. (gives Donkey a
noogie)

DONKEY
All right, all right. Don't get all
slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All
right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't
had a chance to install the seat belts
yet.

They climb aboard the dragon and she takes off for DuLoc.

DULOC - CHURCH

Fiona and Farquaad are getting married. The whole town is there.
The prompter card guy holds up a card that says 'Revered Silence'.

PRIEST
People of DuLoc, we gather here today
to bear witness to the union....

FIONA
(eyeing the setting sun) Um-

PRIEST
...of our new king...

FIONA
Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead
to the "I do's"?

FARQUAAD
(chuckles and then motions to the priest
to indulge Fiona) Go on.

COURTYARD

Some guards are milling around. Suddenly the dragon lands with
a boom. The guards all take off running.

DONKEY
(to Dragon) Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN.
If we need you, I'll whistle. How about
that? (she nods and goes after the guards)
Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You
wanna do this right, don't you?

SHREK
(at the Church door) What are you talking
about?

DONKEY
There's a line you gotta wait for. The
preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or
forever hold your peace." That's when
you say, "I object!"

SHREK
I don't have time for this!

DONKEY
Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen
to me! Look, you love this woman, don't
you?

SHREK
Yes.

DONKEY
You wanna hold her?

SHREK
Yes.

DONKEY
Please her?

SHREK
Yes!

DONKEY
(singing James Brown style) Then you
got to, got to try a little tenderness.
(normal) The chicks love that romantic
crap!

SHREK
All right! Cut it out. When does this
guy say the line?

DONKEY
We gotta check it out.

INSIDE CHURCH

As the priest talks we see Donkey's shadow through one of the
windows Shrek tosses him up so he can see.

PRIEST
And so, by the power vested in me...


Outside

SHREK
What do you see?

DONKEY
The whole town's in there.

Inside

PRIEST
I now pronounce you husband and wife...


Outside

DONKEY
They're at the altar.

Inside

PRIEST
...king and queen.

Outside

DONKEY
Mother Fletcher! He already said it.

SHREK
Oh, for the love of Pete!

He runs inside without catching Donkey, who hits the ground hard.


INSIDE CHURCH

SHREK
(running toward the alter) I object!


FIONA
Shrek?

The whole congregation gasps as they see Shrek.

FARQUAAD
Oh, now what does he want?

SHREK
(to congregation as he reaches the front
of the Church) Hi, everyone. Havin'
a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first
of all. Very clean.

FIONA
What are you doing here?

SHREK
Really, it's rude enough being alive
when no one wants you, but showing up
uninvited to a wedding...

SHREK
Fiona! I need to talk to you.

FIONA
Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little
late for that, so if you'll excuse me
- -

SHREK
But you can't marry him.

FIONA
And why not?

SHREK
Because- - Because he's just marring
you so he can be king.

FARQUAAD
Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.


SHREK
He's not your true love.

FIONA
And what do you know about true love?


SHREK
Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - -

FARQUAAD
Oh, this is precious. The ogee has fallen
in love with the princess! Oh, good
Lord. (laughs)

The prompter card guy holds up a card that says 'Laugh'. The
whole congregation laughs.

FARQUAAD
An ogre and a princess!

FIONA
Shrek, is this true?

FARQUAAD
Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona,
my love, we're but a kiss away from
our "happily ever after." Now kiss me!
(puckers his lips and leans toward her,
but she pulls back.)

FIONA
(looking at the setting sun) "By night
one way, by day another." (to Shrek)
I wanted to show you before.

She backs up and as the sun sets she changes into her ogre self.
She gives Shrek a sheepish smile.

SHREK
Well, uh, that explains a lot. (Fiona
smiles)

FARQUAAD
Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards!
I order you to get that out of my sight
now! Get them! Get them both!

The guards run in and separate Fiona and Shrek. Shrek fights
them.

SHREK
No, no!

FIONA
Shrek!

FARQUAAD
This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This
marriage is binding, and that makes
me king! See? See?

FIONA
No, let go of me! Shrek!

SHREK
No!

FARQUAAD
Don't just stand there, you morons.


SHREK
Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!

FARQUAAD
I'll make you regret the day we met.
I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll
beg for death to save you!

FIONA
No, Shrek!

FARQUAAD
(hold a dagger to Fiona's throat) And
as for you, my wife...

SHREK
Fiona!

FARQUAAD
I'll have you locked back in that tower
for the rest of your days! I'm king!


Shrek manages to get a hand free and he whistles.

FARQUAAD
I will have order! I will have perfection!
I will have - - (Donkey and the dragon
show up and the dragon leans down and
eats Farquaad) Aaaah! Aah!

DONKEY
All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon
here, and I'm not afraid to use it.
(The dragon roars.) I'm a donkey on
the edge!

The dragon belches and Farquaad's crown flies out of her mouth
and falls to the ground

DONKEY
Celebrity marriages. They never last,
do they?

The congregation cheers.

DONKEY
Go ahead, Shrek.

SHREK
Uh, Fiona?

FIONA
Yes, Shrek?

SHREK
I - - I love you.

FIONA
Really?

SHREK
Really, really.

FIONA
(smiles) I love you too.

Shrek and Fiona kiss. Thelonius takes one of the cards and writes
'Awwww' on the back and then shows it to the congregation.


CONGREGATION
Aawww!

Suddenly the magic of the spell pulls Fiona away. She's lifted
up into the air and she hovers there while the magic works around
her.

WHISPERS
"Until you find true love's first kiss
and then take love's true form. Take
love's true form. Take love's true form."


Suddenly Fiona's eyes open wide. She's consumed by the spell
and then is slowly lowered to the ground.

SHREK
(going over to her) Fiona? Fiona. Are
you all right?

FIONA
(standing up, she's still an ogre) Well,
yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed
to be beautiful.

SHREK
But you ARE beautiful.

They smile at each other.

DONKEY
(chuckles) I was hoping this would be
a happy ending.

Shrek and Fiona kiss...and the kiss fades into...

THE SWAMP

...their wedding kiss. Shrek and Fiona are now married. 'I'm
a Believer' by Smashmouth is played in the background. Shrek
and Fiona break apart and run through the crowd to their awaiting
carriage. Which is made of a giant onion. Fiona tosses her bouquet
which both Cinderella and Snow White try to catch. But they end
up getting into a cat fight and so the dragon catches the bouquet
instead. The Gingerbread man has been mended somewhat and now
has one leg and walks with a candy cane cane. Shrek and Fiona
walk off as the rest of the guests party and Donkey takes over
singing the song.

GINGERBREAD MAN
God bless us, every one.

DONKEY
(as he's done singing and we fade to
black) Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't
breathe. I can't breathe.

THE END