SO BONGO-BONGO-BONGO I DON'T WANNA LEAVE THE CONGO. OH NO-NO-NO-NO-NO.

Hallo ich komme nicht mehr in meinem Zwei-Faktor-Authentikator rein, ich komme nicht mehr in VPN rein und mein Laptop ist aus der Domäne rausgeflogen. Ich befinde mich auch in dem Süd-Sudan. Könnten Sie mir bitte weiterhelfen?

♥♥♥ Freigabe erteilt, Sie können weitergehen

Ich habe ein großes Problem, mein Schwanz funktioniert nicht mehr. Könnten Sie mir bitte dann eventuell helfen?

But when I told my partner about it, he informed me that “jacking off” isn’t even a phrase used outside of ♥♥♥♥♥♥ purposes and that it certainly is not used to communicate that someone is just slacking off. Now that horrifying memory is even worse - it sounds like I was trying to hide my attempts to “jack off” from my professor in the loudest, most obvious way that hilariously failed to actually hide it at all 😭 I now realize I meant that I do not want my professor to think I am SLACKING OFF!!! SLACKING! Not JACKING!

But folks, it gets worse. Less than ten minutes later, my professor taught the class by explaining, “freedom entails more than the freedom to watch ♥♥♥♥ on your phone.” I don’t know if he really did this, but I swear that I could feel his eye contact burning into my soul wile he spoke. He is my favorite professor, and now I am so mortified I may never speak to

At this point, the interaction was stressing me out quite badly, and I started to uncontrollably mask in the worst way… by using an endearing phrase that neurotypicals often use in an attempt to justify even sharing my announcement with my professor in the first place.

All I could get out was “I wouldn’t want you to think I’m just” as I trailed off, attempting to communicate that I wouldn’t want my professor to think I am slacking off. While my brain panicked to think of a relevant phrase, I already started walking away. As I reached the middle of the full, quiet classroom, I blurted, “jacking off.” I was instantly embarrassed when I heard it come out of my mouth because I realized that it is not an appropriate phrase for law school due to its ♥♥♥♥♥♥ connotations. I cringed through the next hour of class while unable to distance myself from the memory.