Recent reviews by hormone wizard

Ahh, Resident Evil 5. A game I recently got gifted by the most wonderful friend in the world because why not take a break from social media brainrot and actually kill brainrotted mutants instead. Thank you so much for letting me enjoy this game with you.

The 5th installment in the series follows Chris Redfield and Sheva Alomar as they suffer through waves of metamorphed zombified morons with weapons and a taste for humans. Released in 2009, the game still stands strong with great mechanics such as forgetting how to fire a weapon unless you turn into a statue. Moreover, the game also features co-op gameplay, which has terrorized me for days because every time I hear "Sheva! Go! Hurry!" I feel the sense of dread knowing somebody wants me to do something while my slow self is busy scavenging through fruit, vases, barrels and boxes for ammunition to survive, treasures to sell and herbs to inject into my bloodstream to refuel my health meter.

This also happens to be a horror game too however I found the true horror to be reloading the damn shotgun since both Chris and Sheva can't multitask for some reason. But I can't blame them too much since I haven't tried running a marathon to get away from mutant tribesmen and reloading a 12 gauge shotgun before.

The realism this game provides is truly shown throughout the upgrade system for your weaponry. I mean cmon, what's more realistic then a simple pocket pistol with a 40 bullet magazine that ISN'T a drum mag? It's simply too realistic and it scares me. Again, this is a horror game so I shouldn't be surprised when the scary stuff happens.

The mutant freaks you'll be forced to exterminate come in many shapes and sizes. Some come with nothing but their infected, gnarly hands to strangle you. Others put a bag over their head and reenact The Texas Chainsaw Massacre a bit too much. But the worst offender has to be the ones who try to strangle you but after you pop a bullet in their head harder then a kid in puberty pops zits on their forehead, they get a change of mind and decide to unleash the worlds most sporadic and devilish centipede out of their head to try and kill you. In other words, a 2 for 1 kill! If you don't die that is.

Of course fan favorite characters return in this installment as well. Chris Redfield is still here to let the villains talk instead of killing them on sight but in his defense, he did try to punch a boulder this time. Jill Valentine is hinted at being alive, despite her suicide attempt in RE4 where she tried to kill herself but accidently grabbed her boyfriend Wesker on the way down. Luckily for her, Wesker survived the fall and is now hooked on mutant painkillers to sustain the damage she caused. Shame on her!

This game is a marvelous statement in the gaming industry. It truly shows that if we were to capitalize on more realism, games would truly be way more enjoyable in the future. Because that can never go wrong, obviously. Resident Evil 5 is an outstanding game that I truly recommend you play... With a friend.

10 molotov throwing Majini/10.

A lovely game that I just can't handle to play, as in the game is fine but my heart is just not made for this.

:(

I dropped a key in a tunnel whilst playing with a friend. He asked about the noise, I said it was me.

We met a literal Demigorgon shortly after, I said it wasn't me.

This game is truly one of a kind experience, so I'll detail what I've done so far.

I have:
- Killed a bunch of people, civilians, security, doesn't matter, they're dead.
- Had my Divine Light severed.
- Turned to Power in Misery.
- Eaten pizza to regain some health.
- Eaten corpses to regain less than a fraction of my health back.
- Kicked vending machines to get chips and drinks to eat so I could get a fraction of said health back.
- Stolen stupid, or good, or overpowered weaponry to upgrade my arsenal.
- Taken a car drive to a Funkopop collector and massacre them in cold blood using augmented arms and an arm I stole from a corpse.
- Started fishing so I could sell fish on the stock market along with the organs I stole from many corpses.
- Embezzled funds into the stock market, specifically GamesGames.
- Killed a govenor in a mall using a toilet so that my stacks in GamesGames would skyrocket and I'd become a self made millionaire within 5 hours.
- Taken a spin to the casino.
- Bought blast proof armor so I gain the ability to ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ rocket jump across any map at lightning speed.
- Taken pills that forced me to restart.
- Eviscerated my former landlord.
- Bought a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ house.
- Faced punishment to revive my Divine Light.
- Suffered through Bog Business.
- Laughed at Gorbino's Quest and it's 500 hours of gameplay.

All this within 9 hours of playtime. And these 9 hours have been mesmerizing. So much so that I went and ordered a custom made vinyl for the soundtrack of this game. That's how far I've fallen in love with this sewage infused garbage world capitalism at it's finest kill anything you want to because ♥♥♥♥ it and while you're at it sell the organs on the stock market immersive simulator born out of pure spite of a game.

Now excuse me while I try to get my Hope Eradicated, and hopefully some of my sanity back while I bump the soundtrack on vinyl. As a wise man once said, when the beat drops, I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF.

Rating: 10 chunkopops stolen from Cancer City Megamall/7 coppers raiding my apartment while I enjoy the tunes of "Rent Due"

This game makes me sad. I've played PAYDAY 2 since about 2015-2016 on and off and enjoyed it relentlessly throughout until the end and once I heard the third installment in the sequel was on the way, I was obviously hyped. I pre-ordered the game for 100 euros, told all my friends about it, and had faith in the developers because of how much I loved PAYDAY 2. How did that go?

From playing pre-ordering the game, playing it during early access and actually enjoying the game whilst having few complaints to the game releasing, to the game being completely unplayable on launch, and when it was playable finding games were basically impossible. I queued for a solo stealth game so I could just try to enjoy the game. I waited for 1 hour and 45 minutes before I found a game. Reminder, that game I was trying to find was SINGLE PLAYER. This soured my experience but it also made me realise that my complaints were far too many.

This game isn't finished. At all. This is a soulless attempt to revive the love for a series that made OVERKILL, the developers, millions of cash and fans. This is a true spit to the face to every PAYDAY fan out there and it shows truly how greedy OVERKILL have been. I mean, to even DARE release DLC that costs twice as much as a PAYDAY 2 DLC would cost, with less effort put in, whilst the game is unfinished, buggy and catastrophic is just despicable. Focus on fixing the game before trying to milk everyone.

Speaking of milking everyone, remember I talked about pre-ordering? What I didn't tell you is that if you did pre-order this game, you'd get the trifecta lootbag. A pre-order bonus that gave you a fancy new suit, cool mask, and luxurious gloves. Quite "generous" for a pre-order. Well, guess what? Now that same very pre-order bonus has been released on Steam as PAID DLC. Is this a joke?

And since launch, so many promises were made with so many goals in mind with so much feedback to take in but nothing has been delivered fully. It's just "on the table" according to the developers. Are you kidding me?

PAYDAY has always been a lovely franchise for me but this entry truly disgraces the legacy the PAYDAY games have built up. It's such a shame and it genuinely pains me to write this review but I feel like I NEED to write this review in order to forget I ever blew my cash on this mess. Do not purchase this game at full price, do not even purchase this at reduced price if you can UNTIL this game finally gets the fix it deserves. There's good premisce here that has potential but until OVERKILL gets to work properly and be it more quickly, this game will die out even faster then it's currently doing.

P.S: Knowing that the publisher is Deep Silver too scares me, considering what happened to Saints Row and Volition not too long ago.

Alright, I did a review for this game already but it was just a joke that I cracked after 30 hours of gameplay. Now, I'm close to 100 hours and I am going to play more of this game but I will articulate my thoughts on this game so far.

This game is fantastic. I know some of you will go for the pitchforks when I say that but I can explain my reasoning.

First off, me myself personally loves the viking setting the game is going for here. It's so fun following the story of Eivor, going from Norway to England along with a crew to build a settlement, do raids, conquer new land and help out people all along the way. The open world is beautiful as well and is actually something I thoroughly enjoy in this game as well, even if I do also like the close quarters parkour settings of other games in this series. (Especially Unity.)

The combat is fine but abilities really spice it up for me as well as some of the skills you can obtain. Heading into a fight knowing that you can shoot the enemies weakspots to catch them off guard and make them stagger, allowing you to get a full on finisher on them is satisfying. If that's not your thing, why not mark 5 enemies at ones and fire a barrage of arrows that will either decimate them or leave them regretting their life decisions as you smack 'em to Niflheim. Or maybe you wanna charge at an enemy, knock them down to the ground, and beat them up with your fisticuffs? The game offers a lot for combat, not just with skills and abilities but also with your arsenal. Axes, spears, hammers, swords, shields and bows, there's a lot of new styles to try.

Gear is also pretty cool. Being able to upgrade your gear or straight up finding super overpowered gear to upgrade as well is nice. The set bonuses are also a nice touch, giving you better stats the more of the set you're wearing at the same time. Such as the Raven Clan armor set giving you increased armor the lower health you have if you have two pieces of the armor set equipped simultaneously and an additional increase to Critical Chance with all five pieces of the armor equipped at the same time. But maybe you wanna mix and match gear to look cooler? Not to worry, you can merge armors to make them have a new appearence but with the stats of another one.

The DLC for this game are also very fun, especially Dawn of Ragnarök, which expands on the story of Havi (Odin) further. Allowing yourself to take a powernap delux and wake up in Svartalfheim to save the son of Balder and Freja, who was captured by the Thor hating flaming sword wielding jötunn Surtr, who hates you an equal amount.

Finally, this game just has so much to do. Maybe you don't wanna raid constantly? Why not do something else, like playing Orlog, solving Standing Stones puzzles, getting high on Fly Agaric, scavenging for gear, killing legendary animals, hunting down members of The Order of The Ancients, trying to do a cairn or hell even just explore new territory and enjoying the viewpoints? There's a lot of fun to be had. (Just to chime in quickly, screw the Animus Anomalies. They suck.)

Valhalla is definitely a game you either love or hate. I personally, coming as no surprise, love this game. The amount of content you recieve is fantastic and there's a lot here to appreciate. Sure, this game does have some flaws, sure (Looking at you, Sigurd.) but there's a lot here to love. I recommend this game.

Ahh, Assassin's Creed Unity, how I love you.

While yes, I do have (as of writing this review) over 130 hours on this game, I've actually played it for longer than that. I've had Unity since the Notre Dame was burning and Ubisoft kindly gave away the game for free on their platform, and even since before that because I was gifted Xbox One with Unity on it back in 2014 for christmas. I've played this game on and off for about ~9 years now, and it is one of my favorite games of all time.

This game is delightful and has everything I wanted from an Assassin's Creed game in it. From the highly customizable loadouts, fun (and sometimes goofy) combat, the immaculate parkour, a good story, co-op missions to enjoy with your friends to even the free DLC they gave out after the game was buggy on launch.

The fact that I can sit here, 9 years later, and feel the same way I did back in 2014 about this game should tell you everything you need to know really. This game is fun.

Today is a wonderful day, to bake virtual cookies, crash the entire stock market, cause a grandmapocalypse, ascend for heavenly chips just to come back to heaven on earth to cause hell for it and doing all this by running an auto clicker script like a total cesspit scrub would do to make any form of progress.

must. consume. payday. content.