[Meet the Heavy Title Card]

[The Heavy walks up to the camera and places Minigun on a cardboard box and sits down in a chair.]

Heavy: "I am Heavy Weapons Guy... and this [grabs Minigun] is my weapon. [lays both hands covetously on Minigun] She weighs one hundred fifty kilograms and fires two hundred dollar, custom-tooled cartridges at ten thousand rounds per minute. [looks intently at viewer] It costs four hundred thousand dollars to fire this weapon...for twelve seconds."

Heavy: [Laughs]

Heavy: [Checks the barrel of his Minigun] "Oh my God, who touched Sasha? Alright... Who touched my gun!?"

Heavy: "Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe, [sniff] maybe. I've yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet."

Heavy: [Holds up cartridge to the camera as sound of Minigun revving up is heard]

[Scene cuts to Dustbowl as Heavy devastates the enemies with his Minigun on Stage 1, Cap 1.]

[Team Fortress 2 theme plays.]

Heavy: "Waaaaahhhhh! Uwaaaaaaah! Ahahahahaha! Cry some more!"

[Cuts to black.]

Heavy: "Heheh. Cry some more."

[Team Fortress 2 ending flourish music plays.]