My mum (82F) told me (12M) to do the dishes (16) but I (12M) was too busy playing Fortnite (3 kills) so I (12M) grabbed my controller (DualShock 4) and threw it at her (138kph). She ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ died, and I (12M) went to prison (18 years). While in prison I (12M) incited several riots (3) and assumed leadership of a gang responsible for smuggling drugs (cocaine) into the country. I (12M) also ordered the assassination of several celebrities (Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley and Jeffrey Epstein) and planned a terrorist attack (9/11). Reddit, AITA?

We don't always get the parenting part right. Late nights, missed games, having to be in a hundred places at once - it's hard. But getting the mac and cheese part right? That's nothing. Because Kraft Mac & Cheese is made with no artificial flavors, preservatives, and dyes.

when u make a slightly offensive joke at the dinner table
You: 😂😂
Your brother: 🤣🤣
Your mom : 😤😤🤯🤯
The dinner table: I’m a table i can’t speak
Casio fx-300ES PLUS Scientific Calculator, Black : 2/3=2/3
Mechanical keyboard: CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK
That girl i asked directions to: “Oh god, i have a boyfriend”
Shane Dawson: Oh god i just had sex with my pet i feel awful i’m so sorry
My dad: Commits tax fraud
My foreskin: Dude why did you cut me off bro i miss you

i ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ love math. mathematics. a mechanism of description. a beautiful one too at that. math is so unyielding and produces concise answers for all of the questions you have about the universe. math is not gonna become a trick ass ♥♥♥♥♥ and say one thing and then do another. math is also a useful form of communication if you are looking for a ♥♥♥♥♥ to ♥♥♥♥. a girl asks you what are your interests, all you gotta do is say "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 m's in my bank account" and you'll be in her ♥♥♥♥♥ in no time. everything in the world is math, therefore everything is beautiful. the technological device you are viewing this message on has a ton of math. the time you are using now is math. your whole entire existence is math. math just turns me on so much. equations are constantly buzzing through my mind no matter where i look, making my clitoris buzz as well. just whisper dirty math equations into my ear during sex, and i will ♥♥♥ in .00000000048321 nanoseconds.

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hey. sorry I saw your profile and I just thought you looked cute in your picture. I really wanted to tell you that)) It's really rare to see girls playing video games haha! I don't know why its a guy thing honestly im like really against misogyny and like ill be the one in the kitchen making sandwiches, We should really play l4d2 sometime its a really cool zombie game with a lot of scary moments. but don't worry ill be there to protect you I) sorry that wasnt flirting I swear lm just trying to be friendly I really like your profile picture sorry was that too far? Really sorry i'm really shy I don't go out much haha add me on skype we should talk more you look really nice and fun xxx