Life Tips:

Look both ways before crossing the street.
Don't be racist.
It's quicker to wipe before you take a poop instead of after, as there is less to wipe.
Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Hiring PHP developers does not contribute to the quota of employees with disabilities.
I think Turnbull works for the government.
Any amount of Oxygen is a lifetime supply of Oxygen.
Don't get caught with your beard in the letterbox.
Noot early and noot often.

My two favourite videos:

Mad Max - Guitar Guy
The n00b effect