GRANDMASTER Koala
E.F   Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
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cHESS
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CRITERIA TO BE MY QUEEN
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Ladies (NO MEN, MISS ME WITH THAT SH♟T),


You have stumbled upon the Carey G.S. (Donvale) Chess - Term 2, 2011 =3rd Champion♔ (that's a king, but you wouldn't know that. Unless 😉). Now, I know that you are already gushing 💦💦 at the thought of getting f♟cked over a chessboard, but I'll stop you right there 🛑

Before you try to get this Bishop♝💦💦(ITS NOT A PAWN STFU ALREADY), you gotta respect 👌 the game of kings, the most intellectual game on the planet (I SWEAR IF SOMEBODY SAYS CHINESE CHECKERS THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO CHECK THESE FISTS 👊👊).

𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑷𝑹𝑬𝑹𝑬𝑸𝑼𝑰𝑺𝑰𝑻𝑬𝑺 𝑻𝑶 𝑩𝑬𝑪𝑶𝑴𝑬 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑸𝑼𝑬𝑬𝑵 ♕ 𝑻𝑶 𝑴𝒀 𝑪𝑯𝑬𝑺𝑺𝑩𝑶𝑨𝑹𝑫

1. You gotta know how to castle♖♔... queen side 😎😎😎
2. If you can't name all the openers♙♘, get the f♟ck off my profile (bet you start with Grob's Attack r♟t♟rd)
3. IF YOU WILLINGLY CHOOSE TO PLAY AS ⬜WHITE⬜, YOU'RE A BETA C♟CKOLD, F♟CK OUTTA HERE
4. If you're too much of a b♟tch to be able to force a stalemate with only a bare King ♚, you're not 🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️ the queen ♛ for me

IF, AND ONLY IF you meet all of these requirements, I'll be seeing you on the other side of the chessboard 😗😗😗😗😗😗

⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜⬛⬜
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What the f♟ck did you just f♟cking say about me, you little b♟tch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the chess.com university prodigy program, and I’ve been involved in numerous minority attacks on the queenside, and I have over 300 confirmed brilliancies. I am trained in karpovian positional play and I’m the top tactician in the entire Australian Olympic Team. Your pawns are nothing to me but just another target. I will exploit your weak colour complexes with precision the likes of which has never been seen since Capablanca, mark my f♟cking words. You think you can get away with saying that sh♟t to me over the Internet? Think again, f♟cker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of IMs and GMs and your ICC handle is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your rating. You’re as good as 1100, kid. I can attack anywhere, anytime, and I can checkmate you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with a king and one bishop. Not only am I extensively trained in Chess960, but I have access to the entire opening book of the Botvinnik School and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable rating off the face of the internet, you little sh♟t. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your f♟cking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♟diot. I will sh♟t fury all over you and you will drown in it. Your rating is f♟cking dead, patzer.


F♟CK I DROPPED MY CHESS SET
♗ ♘ ♟ ♛ ♕ ♜ ♝ ♞ ♟♙♗ ♘ ♟ ♛ ♕ ♜ ♝ ♞ ♗ ♘ ♟ ♛ ♕ ♜ ♝ ♞ ♟♙♗ ♘ ♟ ♛ ♕ ♜ ♝ ♞ ♟♙♗ ♘ ♟ ♛ ♕ ♜ ♞ ♟♛ ♙♗ ♘

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en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant en passant

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pspspspsps 12 jun 2018 om 4:17 
+rep Sucks a mean ♥♥♥♥
Kevin the Minion 8 apr 2018 om 16:09 
Pfft! You're ONLY a vegan? What a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hypocrite, you know plants are alive too. Oppression doesn't cease to be evil just because the oppressed aren't sentient organisms. How about trying to live off of absorbing the raw elements required for life directly through your cell membrane like our great ancestors, the amoebas, did. Why do you eat plants, I bet it's cause they don't guilt you with their screams but that doesn't mean they aren't in pain. You think you care about life, get on my level sweetie!

Kevin the Minion 28 mrt 2018 om 17:02 
Fortnite. Every day with you is Fortnite. IM SICK OF FORTNITE. Sit down. Play minecraft. Play roblox. Play ANYTHING. TORTURE YOURSELF, I DONT CARE, JUST SHUT UP ABOUT FORTNITE. I swear to god you must be an epic employee because you're advertising this game harder than I've ever seen it be advertised online. It's not even that good, it's LITERALLY MINECRAFT HUNGER GAMES. THIS IS YOUR TASTE IN VIDEO GAMES, ABSOLUTE GARBAGE. GET BETTER TASTE OR DIVORCE MY MOTHER, YOU SICK DEPLORABLE. GET OUT OF MY MOMS HOUSE BEFORE I GET THE SANDAL. GET OUT GET OUT GET THE ♥♥♥♥ OUT
Kevin the Minion 28 mrt 2018 om 17:00 
Yea I just hit like the dirtiest headshot in fortnite (399m). It was not my personal best (which is 407m) but it was still pretty impressive because I wasn't really trying at that moment. All my internet friends think I'm lying but what they know am I right? I once posted a dirty NoSc in fortnite reddit (website full of fortnite pros incase you are a n00b) and they gave me like 200 "upvotes". I don't consider myself as a pro but I'm definitely better than 80% of the community. So my question is that why my retarded friends online don't believe me? I'm like winning almost every match but every time I tell them that I've hit some uber long range headshots they don't believe me. Sometimes they even say that I'm cheating but I can't make myself bad at this game because it just happens to be really easy for a real gamer like me...
Kevin the Minion 20 mrt 2018 om 4:19 
Greetings travelers! Welcome to my profile!

Age: 18

IQ: 187

Favourite video game: every Total War game (strategy games)

Favourite music: Everything that isn't mainstream

Favourite meme: Chemistry Cat

Favourite TV show: Rick and Morty

Debate winning record: 81-0 (Most recent was my chemistry professor)

Don't add me if you play low IQ games like TF2, Civilization, CS. I despise people who have IQ lower than 165 which I believe is the required amount of IQ to play strategy games. Also if you just want to talk you must prove that you are in fact an intellectual. I don't share my knowledge with just anyone! You must be worthy :)

If you are triggered because of my superior intelligence, put your comment down below so I can have a laugh at them someday.
Kevin the Minion 18 mrt 2018 om 1:16 
but yeah anyway guys i won't play the new smash bros until all of these characters are released