I may as well be Jewish the way I get this hawk torah

I put a down payment on the Dew, but it was taken away from me for not being able to keep up the monthly payments.

Gentrification is only good when done to the rats in my walls. With a shotgun.

The fog is coming? Wrong. Plantern.

13% of corporate america is responsible for 50% of the poverty.

Got my knuckles so calloused, I do construction with a Monster can in hand.

You're laughing. America is being a silly little guy and you're laughing.

There are 10 things standing in the way of your success. Unfortunately, all 10 of them are women, and this is western society.

Never trust the guy with spare change in his back pocket. He's always the one that'll parry you at the last second.

The fish and I have entered an uneasy alliance against women.

I came here to eat cheese and ride horses, and I could eat a horse, hooves and all.

If you had a thousand haters, I'd be one of them. If you had one hater, it would be me. If you had no haters, I'd still be alive because God's eternal forgiveness washes over all of us.

God does not condone cranking 90's and drinking 40's.

Catch me dipping my fries in that Monster Energy mustard.

Don't bang birds. The government does not like semen nor bullet holes in their drones.

It's remarkable to me that hibbidy bop scobro dip shwee zabba doo wowee.

You ain't from Michigan if you ain't suffered severe secondary climate effects thanks to extreme mismanagement and governmental interruption.

Hello Reddit. AITA for summoning Cthulu at my MIL's wedding?

Heat, pressure and time are the three things needed to make diamonds. But they're also the three things required to make waffles.

She schizo on my phrenic til I delusion.

Reach for my neck, you'll get turned into an example.

I was flippin bricks for Mansa Musa before y'all even became a type-1 civilization.

Top-shelf delusions interrupted by milquetoast circadian rhythm.

She dropped that ass on me from an egregious angle.

We gettin' out the eastern european torture dungeons with this one!!!

Smokin' that chestburster, my heart can't take this ♥♥♥♥ anymore.

A stomach full of LSD, my ♥♥♥♥ be hallucinogenic.

She think I'm dead the way she plunged a sword through my heart and tore out my spine. She's right.

Four score and seven years ago, these hands had no business being this licensed.

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today."

"In times of uncertainty, it is a great comfort to know that, in the end, there is a light in the darkness."

"Through action, a man becomes a hero. Through death, a hero becomes a legend. Through time, a legend becomes a myth. And by learning from the myth, a man takes action."

"The problem isn't the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem."

"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you want."

"It's funny how day by day nothing changes, and yet when we look back, everything is different. Make use of the time you have so that looking back feels just as bright."

"A fool waits to be chosen. A wise man chooses himself."

"When they come for you, let them see the sheep, but find the wolf."

"Do not fear the darkness, welcome it's embrace, for it is the night when men prepare for the coming day."

"If you quit, then they'll be right."

"Work hard so you never have to introduce yourself again."

"When life gets hard, don't say 'why me', say 'try me'."

"Seek victory in silence. The lion doesn't roar when the prey is killed."

"Don't be afraid of dying, be afraid of living with nothing to die for."

"Always try to be nice, but never fail to be kind."

"We often repeat what we don't repair."

"Saying 'No.' is a complete sentence. You never have to justify your reasoning."

"Don't stress the could haves, if it should have, it would have."

"Insulting someone is as easy as throwing a stone into the sea, but you never know how deep that stone goes."

"All fires fade, but the warmth they gave only goes out when you let the darkness truly take hold."

"Wanting something does not give you the right to have it."

"The noblest art is the art of making others happy."

"You can't skip chapters or else you lose sight of the message. Some sentences will be hard to read, some you'll never want to leave, but you just have to keep reading on in order to see all that there is to offer."

"Grief is the price we pay for love, and if what we love makes us feel so strongly, then we are human, and that love was worth our life ten times over."

"Never give in. They'll always want to see you fall so they can feel better about themselves. Prove them wrong. Never give them what they desire."

"The smaller your friend group, the realer you are. Don't get tricked into lying about you just to get into a bigger crowd."

"No one is ever too busy, you're just not important enough to them."

"If they don't personally know you, don't take what they say personally."

"Anything easy isn't worth it, anything worth it isn't easy."

"One day or day one. It's your choice."

"When you witness the fall of a champion, the best thing you can do is pick up their sword and fight on in their name."

"Never ruin an apology with an excuse."

"Be the first to try to bleed that which is deemed unbleedable."