Recent reviews by Shadgrimgrvy

Very deep. Shockingly complex. I felt like I could spend the rest of my life imagining the perfectly optimized factory. I don't know how I could ever be more obsessed with a game than this.

Oh yeah, I forgot there was a single player part of this game. It's okay I guess.

I've never read anything by Agatha Cristie but I've seen plenty of Poriot on Masterpiece Theater so I know what I'm talking about here: This is a pretty fun game but annoying. First of all, if I'm on a boat full of potential murderers the last thing I'm going to be doing is worrying about where I can get my hands on a bag of chips. Matches on average last about thirty minutes, so why does my character have to use the bathroom five or more times a game? Why do the DIE if they don't make it to the bathroom in time?

The whole ordeal reminds me too much of The Sims, where the needs of my character is a delicate system of checks and balances. Once one need is satisfied it throws all the other needs wildly out of order until the whole game devolves into a mad dash to get to the bathroom, then to eat, then to take a shower and so on and so forth until one can't help but completely forget that they were supposed to kill someone.

This is truly, irrevocably horrible. I know it's just a mod and it's free...but...it's bad. REAL bad. First of all, there's only four maps and they all like like reject levels from Halo. But you could even make the argument that there's just 3.5 maps since two of them are basically ugly snow fort or what ever.

All the weapons are clunky and unpleasant to look at, like these horrible metal bricks someone slapped on my screen. The bots all have perfect accuracy, able to fire across the entire map with ease. Because of this the player mysteriously starts to lose health the moment they spawn. Unbeknown to them, there's some goon standing on a hill slowly shaving away their health. Plus, the only sense of conflict in the short, chaotic and at times incomprehensible matches is how many hapless rejects need to be thrown at the engineer's turrets before any progress can be made.

I'm sorry to say it, but Killing Floor's chainsaw just does not compare to Left 4 Dead's. Their chainsaw is a thing of beauty, it's destruction is so complete, so visceral that I feel myself becoming one with the saw in our mutual quest for bloodshed. It's a unique kind of nirvana were all the little annoyances of the world melt away, leaving only the most pure, unbridled tearing of flesh and crunching of bone.

Killing Floor lacks that. It's chainsaw isn't an unstoppable whirlwind of gore, it's just another weapon, abstract numbers with no real meaning. There's something primordial in L4D's saw, something raw and untamed that taps into the primal recesses of our ancient memories as hunter-gatherers. When chopping monsters to pieces, a warrior must feel like his own teeth are sinking into to bleeding viscera of his foes.

Again, Killing Floor doesn't have that, but what it does have is a flamethrower and some manner of asbestos heat-ray so it's a good compensation.

Idontknow is always telling me how great this game is. While my computer is too wimpy to play it I'll take his word that it's all it's cracked up to be.

It has spiders so arachnophobes aren't allowed to play it. We don't NEED your kind.

No one told me this was turned based.

THIS SUCKS.

I only play as Nick because he's a jerk and a bad dude. Ellis wishes he could be as bad a dude as Nick but the jokes on him. I have not yet made an earnest attempt to play online but if I did I would bogart the chainsaw all for myself because I'm the only one who can enjoy slicing my enemies to ribbons on a such a spiritual level.

Seriously, it's like a religious experience it's so magnificent.

I won this game during that Summer Camp fiasco this year and I have not made a single effort to actually play it. It's been sitting in my games list, never installed, since I got it.

No doubt it's probably fun. Nonetheless I have an inexplicable contempt for it.

I know that a lot of people were disappointed by this installment, but I had a hoot playing it. It's been a secret fantasy of mine to be part of a mass exodus out of a doomed city my whole life. I think my secret desire to make such an escape started with a Fourth of July celebration my parents took me to when I was three. These visions of hundreds of people and shimmering explosions in an unfamiliar urban setting stuck in my tiny baby brain and have been with me my whole life.

So you can imagine my surprise when over a decade later I'm reliving these memories as I flee City 17 in much the same way I imagined myself all those years ago.

This has left me to assume Valve has access to the Jungian archetypes of my mind.