Recent reviews by JANUS

Outdated, janky, probably great back in 2009.

As someone coming from 100%, 1500+ hours in KF2, KF1 feels... painful to play. How anyone lauds the horror "atmosphere" in this game is beyond my understanding, but fear not, I will embrace my burgeoning manhood and 100% this trash in the hopefully not so distant future.

0/10 No Rae Higgins.

-1/10 No female characters without DLC.
-2/10 Music is just as trash as KF2.
-10/10 Fools telling me this is a real man's game.

COME AT ME, BRAH! D8<

Yeah, sure, take a "Yes" recommendation. Now, sod off.

Update @ 139.6h and 154 / 285 achievements:
FAVORITE DAUGHTER IS UNLOCKABLE VIA ACHIEVEMENTS!
KF1 IS 9/10! (-1 No Rae Higgins [What? Rae is BAE!])

P.S.: I'll admit I like KF1 maps, even if they're a wee bit janky. I would have loved to see all KF1 maps in KF2 officially. All except Bio... hazard or Labs? Which is it that y'all are obsessed with? That one can burn. I've seen it 1, 2 many times already!

Update @ 200.7h and 205 / 285 achievements:
No Skip Trader really grinds my giblets. 0/10!

New Monster Hunter fan says "Aw yeah!".
Old World fan says "Why you so pixel dough? Dis PC! You savvy?".

• Bakes better than World on a potato, but it doesn't look as Groot from most angles.
  
• Wirebugs are the way. Can we back-port them into World? Please? Yes?! OKTHNXBAI!
  
• The twins are nice, but I also liked World's OMNOMNOM Handler. No pixel-discrimination here!
  
• So much DLC and you couldn't give me a cat costume for doggo? What your malfunction, CAPCOM Co., Ltd.?
  
• Why you make modding so difficult?
  
• Who came up with these default configs for KBM? What kinda space-faring mice y'all working with over there, huh? Don't fret, I figured this ♥♥♥♥ out with a little help from mah frens and my World experience.
  
• I COULD GO ON... but I'm sleepy.
  
• Will update when I get past the tutorials.
  
• I kid! I've been told the entire game is tutorials! >8D

In hindsight, this really sounds like a No review, but it's actually a Yes review!

Did I successfully subvert your expectations like... seriously, was no one else irritated by the Soapy nature of Game of Thrones? It's like Bake & Shark. I just don't get the appeal. Doubles is so much tasti- uh, I totally went off-topic there and haven't even said why I enjoy the game!

Must be the TOTALLY NOT LOW QUALITY character creation.
I like my pixel-girl though, so it's whatever...

Yay, thumbs up, go write a book or discover the cure for cancer.
Be a productive member of society dammit.

Clearly not sleepy enough...

TL;DR (this is totally how it works):
After reexamining that DLC list, I'm kinda thinking No.
Is CAPCOM Co., Ltd. really selling layered sets in PARTS?!
Wait, now I see. This ♥♥♥♥ started with World: Iceborne's pendants and figures.
Clearly CAPCOM Co., Ltd. likes taking the piss.

So...

• Why does this tutorial monologue seem so disconnected from the rest of the story? <insert Chronos here?>
  
• How does she not know?! THE BOOK IS RIGHT THERE!
  
• Furthermore... HOW IS THAT BOOK STILL IN ONE PIECE AFTER <insert best guesstimate here> YEARS?!
  
• Can I kill this NPC? He's a horrible husband, parent, grandparent, and savior. HE REMINDS ME OF MY ...uh, TMI?
  
• Why so many adds though?
  
• Why can you stun-lock me though!?
  
• Who decided enemies turning in mid-air was a good design to punish ill-timed dodges though?
  
• JUST HOW MANY ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ AOE ABILITIES DO YOU HAVE, RAT?!
  
• WHO PLAYS THIS ♥♥♥♥ ON HARDCORE ON ANY DIFFICULTY BY THEMSELVES?!
  
• Why isn't there a kill counter if this trait wants me to make... wait, how many kills?! WITH HOW MANY GUNS?! FOR EVERY CHARACTER?! WHO THE ♥♥♥♥-
  
• Why does that accessory require co-op, and why is my alternative to screw with save files?
  
• Invalid Exit?.....! MY GAME CRASHED YOU ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥-ASS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ PIECE OF ♥♥♥♥!
  
• Why do I need to find a post on Reddit that explains the mechanics? Was there no feasible way to explain THIS ♥♥♥♥ IN THE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ GAME?!
  
• Why are there four difficulties if the highest two offer no significant rewards or achievements?

And finally,...

Why do I enjoy this?

I'll tell you why!

• Character creation. That's why.
  
• Also Mud Tooth. Mud Tooth is best mudder.
  
• And bugs! So many juicy bugs! For the Queen, yes!

If only t'was so simple with Cyberpunk 2077.
SALTY BURNS EVERYWHERE!
MWAHAHAAHAHA!
EAT IT, CD PROJ--- totally went off-topic there.

Such horror!
Such atmosphere!
Such schlong!

Fuiyoh!

As much as I am currently enjoying this, no amount of febreze will remove the stench of The OVER-breeze.

The Verdict:

1. Toss dosh at your own risk.
   
2. Buy DLC on sale.
   
3. Do I really recommend this game?

The Good:

• Stealth is fun.
  
• Solo replayability (as evident by my 700+ hours of totally didn't fall asleep with the game running gameplay.
  
• ADVENTURE!

The Bad:

• Instability.
  
• Bugs in honor of Bethesda.
  
• Less than stellar AI (especially hostage AI).
  
• Gimmicky achievements.
  
• Achievement-locked paid DLC.
  
• Just so much DLC!
  
• Tons of trash mission rewards.
  
• Actual helpful gameplay tips on loading screens. The only thing OVER-breeze thought to teach us in-mission was how to get past a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ fence.
  
• There is no spoon.

The Ugly:

• The community isn't always sunshine and rainbows, especially concerning the in-game female heisters. Apparently the infamy-bois really wanted Brazilian supermodels.
  
• The OVER-breeze has a slimy reputation.

The Absolutely Unforgivable:

• These clowns can't stealth to save their lives. Git on mah level, scrub.

Recommended.

Great story (loved every moment of it).
Fast paced action.
Standard gameplay.
Iffy controls (you'll get used to it, or die trying).
AI teammates don't always display signs of intelligence.

Collectables offer a bit more story (slightly annoying when you're too blind to see them right in front of you).

Personally it was a great choice for me to return to gaming with.

"I hate you all!"

PLEASE BE ADVISED:
As of writing this review multiplayer mode suffers from a Max Multiplier bug which causes everyone except the Host's multiplier to reset when it reaches x4 unless it's a multikill. I've posted about this in the Official Bug Thread here and contacted the developer on Twitter. Hopefully they're able to fix it.

Repetitive but fun, especially in multiplayer (and singleplayer if you're into solo achievement hunting).

Pink aliens trying to eat your brains, what more do you want? I love pink! I love aliens! And I love eating brains? Maybe not so much the last one but you get what I'm saying! There are 12 levels, 4 difficulties, and 6(?) types of aliens. Average alien, slim alien, sneaky alien, blinking alien, froggy baby (the most annoying pain in the ass after blinking alien), and the behemoth (a.k.a. Behemoth). They probably have official names but ain't nobody got time for that! They're trying to eat your brains man!

FYI, that fat guy is Jim ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Sterling, Son and I agree with his endorsement of this title.

"I can gladly say this is not a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ game." - Jim Sterling

This port is sickening, literally.

If it wasn't for Humble Bundle...

Future self here. I procured, I spazzed, I whooped some ass. I still thoroughly enjoy this ♥♥♥♥, though after 1000 hours you've gotta wonder just what are you doing with your life! Go out, smell a flower, avoid COVID, don't invade people's homes and say you're doing it for the greater good while threatening nuclear war, then come back and kill some more Zeds! While you're at it, try not to be a total ♥♥♥♥ to less experience players and thank God for Jim Stephanie Sterling!

Early Access Review:
After spending over 16 hours with this during the recent F2P weekend I can, without a doubt, say I thoroughly enjoyed this ♥♥♥♥. Never played Killing Floor, couldn't figure out how to open a door, but that feeling of finally surviving and killing the boss (have some dosh you ugly bastard) was awesome.

What didn't I like?

• Sprinting, because I've been spoiled by "auto-sprint" in other games.
  
• Weapon switching is a pain when both assault rifles and a shotgun all end up on 1. Furthermore I wish the most recent weapon wouldn't take hotkey preference.
  
• Why the heck does nightvision turn off after a given amount of time? I can understand a flashlight... but even then, why, just why?

So what did I like?

• The gore was gorgeous.
  
• I loved the models and movements of the Zeds.
  
• I love games with an emphasis on teamwork. Might not always like the teammates though.
  
• I have never enjoyed listening to that kinda noise (music) more than while killing Zeds.
  
• No minimap.
  
• The trader pod arrow was a godsend.
  
• And of course, Ana Larive, those are some damn gorgeous pixels.

I recommend this to my future self. Buy the damn game, you, me! And thank the Machine God my mouse didn't spazz out on me.