Salami was only 10 years old.
He loved CS:GO so much.
He had all of the achievements and items.
He prayed to Gaben every night before bed, thanking him for the inventory he's been given.
"CS:GO is love," he says, "CS:GO is life."
His Elder dragon hears him and calls him a Silver 1 scrub lord.
He knows that the Elder dragon is just jealous of his devotion to Gabe.
Salami calls him a console peasant.
The Elder dragon slaps him and sends him to bed.
Salami is crying now, and his face hurts.
He lays in bed, and it's really cold.
He feels a warmth moving towards him.
He looks up.
It's Gabe!
He's so happy,
Gabe whispers into Salami's ear, "Try your chances... Open a case."
Gabe grabs Salami with his powerful dev-team hands and puts him on his hands and knees.
He's ready.
Salami opens his pockets for Gabe.
Gabe puts his hands deep into Salami's pockets.
It costs so much, but Salami does it for CS:GO skins.
Salami can feel his wallet emptying as his eyes start to water.
He accepts the terms and conditions.
Salami wants to please Gabe.
Gabe lets out a mighty roar as he fills Salami's computer with keys.
Salami opens all the cases and gets nothing worth anything at all.
CS:GO is love...
CS:GO is life...