Wee Ronald The Clumsy Scottish Scoper

RIP SimplyGamingAmbushOnlyServer :'(

Right, youse, this is me doing the opening paragraph on my Internets site, so it is. I'm Ronald Villiers, from Widdecombe and Pump, and this is my webpage all of it. Some folk have says to us it's no' so much a page as a real site, but I think it looks magic. Hunners of words out there on the Nets. So just you keep your moose where it is, right? Don't let it go scuttlin' aboot the place looking for bugs. Here's a Ronald Villiers tip for you - focus. Howdya like that?
I'm available for all acting work on stage and screen. I like doing adverts, voice-overs, drama, comedy, monologues an' that.

Right, here's my CV. It's all about me.

Ronald's CV

Name:
Ronald Villiers. My initials are RV. I was at an audition the other day and some wide-o called me "Recreation Vehicle". Total cheek, thought he could take me for a ride.

Age:
All that matters is that I can act my age.

Education:
I've learnt myself. I left acting school in my first day cos they wouldnae let me keep my hat on in the class. Not only that, but someone nicked my playpiece. I had two digestive biscuits with a scrape of butter in a brown paper bag and some fly man blagged them. I was dead upset, sure, so I did a bee-wanner.

First acting job:
I started acting the goat when I was a wee boy.

Big break:
Collar bone, 1976. I fell off the stage while doing the school Nativity play. I shouted "Jesus!" just as the Virgin Mary had her wean. They laid me down on a bed of straw until the play was over.

Heroes:
Mike Yarwood and Spencer Tracey.

Favourite director:
The one that says "It's a wrap!" No, seriously, I like the ones that let me express myself.

Biggest influence on career:
My talent.

TV work:
I retuned people's video recorders when Channel 5 came out.

Charity work:
I do hunners of work that I don't get paid for.

Acting philosophy:
Just put it across rare and natural. Gie the punters what they want.

Ambition:
To star in a Glaswegian remake of the James Cagney classic "Angels With Dirty Faces". It'll be called "Angles Wi' Manky Coupons".

Villiers' Revue

I've been telt since I was a wean not to boast, but I'm just putting these critics' reviews on my site here so's youse can all see that I'm an accomplished actor. The words speak for themselves.

"Villiers had the audience in tears." (I'm dead proud of that one.)
"Ronald Villiers does things on stage no ordinary actor would dare try."
"There were cheers when the show ended." (I was touched by that compliment.)
"Ronald should go solo. He's a one-off."

Panto appearances

1995: Back end of a cow in Jack and the Beanstalk.
1992: Starring role in Maryhill Social Club production of Mother Goose. I had to throw out the sweeties to the Brownies and the Cubs in the audience.

Fashion Tips

See me, I think it's dead important for an actor to make himself stand out from the crowd. My distinctive dress sense works wonders: people tell me they'll not forget me in a hurry. Acting's all about confidence, so it is, so it's nice to hear that fae people.

I like to wear a nice belt round my green trenchcoat. It keeps me a' toasty and gives me a bit of definition. And it's rare for tucking my scarf into. You can never be too careful with these expensive scarves I cut about wearing. Folk would wheech them off you in a minute.

You'll have noticed I like to wear a black trilby. It's a wee actor's tip I picked up from Spencer Tracey - it keeps your head warm and it makes you look like you mean business. It's magic as well for keeping the bright studio lights off your mush. You can just pull the brim doon and you can go for a snooze and naebody knows.