5
Products
reviewed
101
Products
in account

Recent reviews by ponch

Showing 1-5 of 5 entries
No one has rated this review as helpful yet
13.0 hrs on record (12.6 hrs at review time)
Vanripper is an evil, evil man. He lured me to his white, unmarked van with the words. "FREE Cute Maintenance Girl Kissing Cute Ghost Girls" hastily brushed over with black paint. Thinking nothing of it, I waltzed in, unknowing of the horrors I was about to experience. When I got in, it was dark, save for one flashlight that lit upwards onto Vanripper's face. And he spoke to me, "ponch, Redbird if we're being formal. My sweet, my ookie pookie, my honey bunches of oats. I give you a choice. If you can beat all 13 levels of this game on hard difficulty, I will reward your efforts with an art gallery and a pie recipe. I shall grant you that same reward if you paid 10 of your precious monies to me, forgoing the previous challenge and heartache you may experience and further fueling my gambling addiction. I shall not push you in either direction, for it is ultimately your choice"

I looked at him with discontent. TEN of my hard earned, legally obtained, plentiful monero?? Absurd! And to spend it on HIS gambling addiction?! What am I, his bank?! I responded to his request with "Pah, hard mode usually isn't THAT hard, what's the worst that could happen?"

Little did I know, TWELVE HOURS of my short lifespan would be THRUSTED away from me, stuck narrowly avoiding the cardinal bolts of lighting in Zmorra 3... and the hellscape that's known as Striga 2 and 3 by many. And my reward? A free pie recipe and a gallery featuring said cute maintenance girls and cute ghost girls as he had promised. I still debate whether or not the cost was greater than the prize.

SO HEED MY WORDS, FELLOW STEAM USER!!! If he tempts you with a similar ordeal, it is in your best interest to PAY for the artbook and gallery. 10 of your heads of lettuce is a paltry price to pay, compared to the insanity that is hard mode.
HEED THEM!!! HEED THEM!!!!!!

(actual review: Very Good Free Game™, great if you're into bullet hells, gets very unfair at the end. Touhou players would probably have an easier time in this game (i am not a Touhou player)
Don't do hard mode. Pay ten dollars if you want the gallery and recipe, but PLEASE don't do hard mode. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have arthritis in the near future because of hard mode. If you're a completionist, I wish you good luck and may God bless your soul.)

9/10 - Would be a 10/10 if it weren't for those stupid bunny things and those stupid projectiles at Striga 2 and 3. The bunny thing can go to hell for all I care. Will pay $10 as soon as possible to support the dev, and I suggest you do the same.
Posted 23 December, 2024.
Was this review helpful? Yes No Funny Award
6 people found this review helpful
2 people found this review funny
5.0 hrs on record (4.1 hrs at review time)
inside of you there are two wolves
one is going insane at the amount of evidence against your defendant
the other illegally steals evidence from crime scenes
you are phoenix wright and gay
Posted 17 January, 2024.
Was this review helpful? Yes No Funny Award
No one has rated this review as helpful yet
27.9 hrs on record (17.9 hrs at review time)
Replicates a world where the idea of an experiment being "unethical" does not exist.
is it bad that i somewhat like killing people? yeah.
am i worried? nah
Posted 28 February, 2023. Last edited 6 March, 2023.
Was this review helpful? Yes No Funny Award
No one has rated this review as helpful yet
1.1 hrs on record
Honestly reminds me something akin to a $5 3DS EShop/ Wii Store game, and I love it! The puzzles are tricky but you eventually get your head around it. If it weren't for the soothing music and sound effects, I would have lost my mind.

Hope the sequel goes well!
Posted 4 February, 2023.
Was this review helpful? Yes No Funny Award
No one has rated this review as helpful yet
65.5 hrs on record (8.3 hrs at review time)
it gud
and sometims funni
Posted 30 July, 2022.
Was this review helpful? Yes No Funny Award
Showing 1-5 of 5 entries