"Prodigious in size and shape, legendary in thrusting and stamina, and sacred in the genitalia. Take the sacred crotch to the masses and spread the erotic satiation to all. By the Sacred Genitalia, you shall water in a new era of hope by clearing this blockage. Go forward and pursue all women with vigor." - Rob Lestin Jerganov

"Franklin, I'm a stiff pickle with juicy layers. You know you can't lick me dry. Smashing grannies and dropping nudes is the name of the game. What else do you think we do here? To fists little girls and beefing soccer moms?" - Johnson Jumbo Cox

"Many people are looking to me for reassurance and I have no idea what's going on. I don't do much other than sign execution papers and deliver the Clinton Experience. I never needed to grab the ladies, I just pulled out Jumbo and made them want to grab me. You know what I do to female interns who try to squeal on me? I drugged them and shipped them to a third-world country. How do you think I created the Peace Corps and won the Noble Peace Price?" - Holden Harding Peanus

"How horrible is Need for Speedo: Super Sexy Time? Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously, and every tiny molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light. Total protonic reversal. Very similar to a cockroach mating with a coyote." - Julian Moe Tudiks