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'm 53 yrs old. I'm not suicidal. But each night when I'm ready to fall asleep I hope it's my last. Then when I wake up I start my day disappointed with the knowledge that I have to get through another day. I do my very best to not bring anyone else down or even address my depression. I laugh and make jokes as a mask so hopefully no one will see what a mess I really am. I tried meds, different ones and different dosages. Tried therapy but I always got the feeling the therapist was talking to someone else. We are not the same as anyone else. Each person is unique, and each depression is unique. The four therapists I tried seemed to want to liken my issues with someone else's issues. Listen, I know I'm not alone. I'm not looking for a comparison. I'm looking for a way out. Show me. I won't kill myself. That's not an option, though I must say there's been many a time I've considered that route. But if natural causes could visit me in my sleep, my family would not have to ask why.