Our moon is so useless and pathetic compared to all of the cool moons out there in the solar system. While other moons have all these cool features, all our Moon did was hit us, and then get a free ride orbiting us for a few billion years.
Europa is such a cool moon, that it could potentially have liquid water underneath. The gravitational effects of its planet Jupiter, and some of Jupiter's other Moons (including Ganymede, a moon so sick, it is bigger than the planet Mercury, and almost as big as Mars; Callisto, another huge a$$ moon bigger than ours, one that might even have water as well; and Io, a pizza coloured moon with f ucking sulfuric volcanoes) cause internal movement for the body, meaning there might not only be the biggest ocean currently known in the universe there, but it could very well have geothermic vents. Geothermic vents mean that there could potentially be life there! Our stupid a$$ moon can't do none of that $hit, it's just barren.
So Yeah F uck our moon.

I used to roll half a bottle of laxative pills into a Crunch wrap supreme and then leave cow pies on peoples door mats. People in my town installed porch cameras to catch the "Phantom S hitter" they said it couldn't possibly be one man, the hits were too frequent and too large. It had to be a whole gang of city punks coordinating and making planned precision strikes. I felt like a god among lesser beings in my town. Every time i was at the local diner and i overheard someone screaming about the black slop they found on their porch i felt powerful and unstoppable. I became too arrogant, started striking during the day. That's when they caught me and strung me up in the streets and hit me with rocks. I barely escaped with my life and i had to leave town. Now after all these years, I'm in a new town and I behave well enough. But I've got this nagging feeling, the urge is back, and I'm starting to think that my new town is about to experience a storm

Woah💦 Woah💦 Woah💦 Hold on💦 Stick em UP🙆🙆🙆🙆 THAT'S RIGHT🔫 THIS IS A ROBBERY🔫 Hand over the CUMMIES🔫💦💦 and no DADDY😫👨😨 gets hurt 📨Send this to your naughtiest👄 little 👄partners in crime 😏🔫😏🔫 and you'll get 💰💰💰SACKS💰💰💰 OF CUMMIES🍆💦💦💦 Get 5🔳 back, you're a 💓squishy💓 little rebel without a cause💋💋💋💋💋 Get 10🔳 back, you're a 😎😎😎career cummie💦 criminal 🙆🔫🔫 bustin all the daddies👨🌽🍆 banks💰💴 Get 15🔳 back, you're a little 😼😼FAT CAT😻😻 with mad stacks💰💦 of CUMMIES💰💦 Get 20🔳 back, you're the 👑👑CUMMIE 💦💦💦 QUEEN👑👑

Alright mom, you think that the Lego Death Star is too expensive of a set for my birthday which hypothetically- hypothetically lets take a look at the facts (which don't care about your feelings) in a situation where, hypothetically, you get it for my birthday. So, we take a look at the numbers it's $499.99 but it has 4,016 pieces, and that means it comes down to a price point of about 12.4 cents per piece and that's a fact, that's a fact (that doesn't care about your feelings). And even though that might be seemingly pricey in comparison to other lego sets, lets take a look at the minifigures. We have Han Solo in a Stormtrooper outfit, we have Luke Skywalker also in a Stormtrooper outfit, these are exclusives for the set since 2001. And it's a fact that you can recreate epic scenes- hypothetically, hypothetically, from A New Hope and Return of The Jedi if I had this set and I think the facts add up, that you should buy me this set (regardless of your feelings)

They tried circumcising me but my foreskin only grew back stronger. Since then I have been getting circumcised every 6 months. My foreskin is now stronger than steel. Whenever I am I danger, I pull it over my body like an outer shell. It is fully bulletproof, fireproof, waterproof, and extremely lightweight. I have plans to sell it as a highly rare, highly resistant material and make millions. Bridges will be made out of beams of foreskin, and police units will wear foreskin vests. I will be living in my foreskin house and bathe in my wealth. I am foreskin man.

Code Vein at 5.1 hours. Report back on March 15.