HEY YOU ! Are you, a rodent and have found yourself at the mercy of the United States Justice System? Has the DOJ once again abused its bureaucratic discretion and charged you with any of 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬:



𝐈 am R𝐚𝐭 A𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐲 and I’m your newest steam friend. I’m 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐭, 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞, or 𝐝𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭. 𝐈've 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭ed the likes of 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐬, 𝐦𝐢𝐜𝐞, 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐬, lemurs, ferrets, squirrels 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐬. There is nothing I can’t handle! Truth is subjective, and all my clients are innocent.

Laws are threats made by the dominant socioeconomic-ethnic group in a given nation. It’s just the promise of violence that’s enacted and the police are an occupying army. - Brennan Lee Mulligan

It's one universal law but two sides to every story
Three strikes and you be in for life - Mighty Mos Def

𝐈 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐭 𝐂𝐕𝐒 D𝐮𝐦𝐩𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 for undergrad and currently studying parking lot regulations at the University of Washingtons Graduate Law School. 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝟗 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐰. Now you may be a rat, but you sure as ♥♥♥♥, aren’t a snitch, so keep that chomper shut until Rat Attorney shows up! A.C.A. . .not invited to my birthday party

:rat: Given the current political climate and administration, I will no longer be providing my services for cases involving religiously targeted crimes or crimes against women.