Sometimes I like to get in the shower with all the lights off and get on my hands and knees and pretend i'm a buffalo in a thunderstorm.

i am so tired of peeing. i drink the water, which I apparently need to live or something, then I have to go put the water somewhere else five minutes later. i drink the water, i go to a place to un-drink the water, i wash my hands, i leave, then i have to drink more water. guess where that water ends up? not in me! i give the water to my body and like a child it tosses it out and demands more. all hours of the day, all hours of the night, no matter what i am doing my life is interrupted by piss and this is ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

⣾⣿⣿⣟⢛⣛⣛⣛⣋⠭⠥⠿⣿⣿⣷⣤⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣠⣀⡀⢿⡇⠀⣸⡇
⣿⣿⣿⠻⢧⠙⢯⡀⠈⠉⠙⠛⠳⢦⣝⢿⣷⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣬⡥⢰⡟⠀
⢹⣯⣛⠯⢿⣾⣷⣍⡳⣤⣀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠳⣍⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡃⠀⠀
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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣿⣿⣿⣠⢿⣿⡟⣿⣷⣭⣻⠿⢿⠿⠷⢞⣫⣵⠿⠀⠀
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These cops are interrogating me about an ounce of weed
As if I didn't kill an Applebee's hostess two miles away

I just got some bomb ass head, called that ♥♥♥♥ Sloppenheimer 🍆💦💦 cooch was the destroyers of worlds 😩😩💦 made this ♥♥♥♥ explode 💥💥🍑🍑🥛🥛😵

WHAT🙀🤯🤯🙀?! DADDY TRUMP JUST TOOK A HUGE 💧🍆💦💧LOAD💧🍆💧 TO THE EAR!!! ♥♥♥-VICTED 💦 FELON 🚨DONALD TRUMP 🍊🍑HAS HAD AN ASS🍑 ASS🍑 INATION ATTEMPT 🤔 IN BUTT-LER 🍑 PENISYLVANIA! THE sCUMMY💦🍆💦 SHOOTER TOOK 8 BACKSHOTS @ the Prez BUT WAS LIMP🤭💭🍌 IN HIS GUN🍌! TRUMPS GYATT🍑🍑 GOT SLAMMED TO THE GROUND, CLAPPING👏👏 A 9.8💯 ON THE RICHTER! 👮🏼‍♂️SEXY 👮🏼‍♂️SERVICE👮🏼‍♂️ SASHAYED💅🏻💅🏻 HIM AWAY SO DONNIE COULD GET A HUMMER🥵💦 IN HIS HUMMER! THOTS🙏🤲🛐 AND PRAYERS🙏🤲🛐!

58% THC pre-rolled joints, rolled in keef, had me reading the book of Revelations. We are indeed close.

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║▐▌░░HAVE AN AWESOME ░▐▌║}
║▐▌▒▒ WEEK MY FRIEND🏖️ ▒▐▌║}
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gonna put a bag over his head and send him to paradise

Jesus only smokes Marlboro Golds btw

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ＰＯＳＴ ＴＨＩＳ ＯＮ ＹＯＵＲ ＷＡＬＬ ＩＦ ＹＯＵ ＤＩＥＤ ＩＮ ＶＩＥＴＮＡＭ
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Hello Nintendo fans, we hope you enjoyed this Nintendo Direct. I have one more announcment for today. I would like to offer a $500 reward for whoever can track down the known leaker Pyoro. We want him dead or alive. That's all for today's Nintendo Direct

Lately (M27)my (M7)son has been in love with these "Skibi Toilet" things. He constantly asks me for robux just for the Skibi Toilet games he plays. He is quite literally infatuated with it. I think it is doing something to him, someone help me make him stop. I've even put a time limit on his IPad, and it's to the point where he somehow gets around the limit. JUST FOR SKIBI TOILET. I have been getting calls recently by my bank for fraudulent activity. Turns out it's just robux for his skibi toilet games. He has already spent over 50 dollars on these games and I don't think he's gonna stop. He already has my credit card memorized and I don't know how. I DON'T EVEN HAVE MY OWN CARD MEMORIZED, BUT A 7 YEAR OLD DOES! Someone please help me or tell me a way to get him to stop.

ok let’s get one thing straight. it is not a “cuck chair”

it’s a time out chair. for when my girlfriend puts me in a time out and then i have to watch her ♥♥♥♥ some other guy until i learn my lesson about not misbehaving

"Often I’ll see advertisements for porn games that say ‘Try Not To ♥♥♥,’ but then when you play them it seems the objective is to ♥♥♥. So yes, I would call that bad game design.”

• Shigeru Miyamoto

You say Justin Bieber, I say Christian and the Hedgehog Boys.
You say Taylor Swift, I say Christian and the Hedgehog Boys.
You say Lady Gaga, I say Christian and the Hedgehog Boys.
You say Owl City, I say Christian and the Hedgehog Boys.
You say Jonas Brothers, I say Christian and the Hedgehog Boys.

95% of teens listen to the same crappy pop over and over again.
If you're part of the 5% who still listens to real music, thumbs this up and share this to 5 over videos. Don't let good taste die.

god, I want to ♥♥♥♥ the Fortnite banana so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ bad. Imagine him in bed; his lustful eyes gazing into yours as you penetrate his peel. How warm he feels on the inside. His thick, yellow curves bending just to right into your chest as you thrust into him mercilessly. Imagine the warmth and extreme pleasure that you must get when you finally release your load into the Fortnite banana. His gushy insides become soaked with your seed. All that cholesterol, covered in your juice. You peel him back and take a bite of that sweet victorious fruit and taste your proud work and dedication on your tongue. The banana pushes his beautiful curved form against your body as you drift off to sleep, having had the most incredible and most amazing orgasm you have ever felt in your life— all thanks to the Fortnite banana

I've never told anyone this. When I was a child I accidentally poked a hole in a Stretch Armstrong that I got for my birthday. I hid him under my bed so I wouldn't get in trouble. Weeks later I found him and for some reason licked the stuff that had crusted from his wound and found it to be extremely sweet and delicious. Over that summer I would retrieve Stretch from his isolated chamber and secretly consume his syrupy life fluid. By the time third grade started I had bled Stretch Armstrong dry in some vampiric sugar addiction. He was deflated and nothing more than a rubber corpse of the hero we once had.

Earlier today I was really horny, and I saw what I thought to be a blank dvd. I thought, DVDs have a tight hole, they might feel pretty good. So I put my soft pp into the hole of the DVD, and for a few seconds as I started getting harder, it felt pretty good, but then, once I was fully erect, it started being painful. My pp was stuck in the dvd, and I had to break it in half to get if out. It was then when I flipped the broken dvd over and realized that it was not a blank dvd, but a copy of the movie UP.

Well guys, guess I ♥♥♥♥♥♥ up.

boyfriends deadass get mad when u touch their butt like it's our fault they got the wagon??? no one asked u to be double cheeked up like this. u stupid ass bad ♥♥♥♥♥. thick ass slice of heaven. why u walk in the room n ur ass walks in 5 minutes later

HAPPY ST.PATRICKS DAY HOES!!☘️☘️☘️☘️☘️on this day in history we remember our St. Paddy Daddy!!💚💚💚💚💦💦 this means it is time to lick some lucky LEPRECHAUN💩 ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ 💩!!! Want someone to rub you for luck🔮? ✳️Maybe put their🐍 shamrock🍀shake in your pot of gold?✳️You better wear some green so you don’t get PINCHED on the ♥♥♥♥♥ today! 💃🍆💦 Send this to 15 of your sluttiest shamrock ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥((you know,🍃 the ones 💚that are big sluts but✅are lucky enough 🐲not to catch an STD)) OR you won’t get any GREEN ♥♥♥♥💚🍆💚☘️ tonight😭😭 if you get 10 back you’re a st.paddys princess👸👸is you get 15 back st paddy daddy will give you his HUGE pot of gold tonight 💰💰💰🍆💦💦 👅👅

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🛑ATTENTION🛑🛑ATTENTION🛑🛑ATTENTION🛑🛑ATTENTION🛑🛑ATTENTION🛑

SOCIAL GAMERS!

​

China will now be entering season 2 of the Xi Jinping battle pass!

中华人民共和国国家安全部紧急通告

Exclusive rewards will be sent to those who perform well in their social activities and refuse low social credit company.

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(我们的) 5000 social credits will be added every rank you achieve.

选择了面上沒有雞蛋的那碗。 父親默默地注視著我，一句話也沒說。 我趕緊拿起筷子，將上面的面條扒開， 我滿以為下面會臥著兩顆白生生的鸡蛋， 但很快我失望地發現，碗底除了清湯，什麼也沒有。

​

🛑ATTENTION🛑🛑ATTENTION🛑🛑ATTENTION🛑🛑ATTENTION🛑🛑ATTENTION🛑

miss you cutie

my wrath further ran the destruction ever present

I bet you aren't even Inheritor yet.

scrub

BARBATOS LUPUS

covfefe

Hey Fighter its me Cam Just wanna see if you are even active on here or not.

and then youre the special one cause you got 2 senpai~

+rep doesnt even mean anything

Fred FredBurger Fred FredBurger Fred FredBurger Fred FredBurger Fred FredBurger Fred FredBurger

In October 2001, Keanu Reeves met with the families of 9/11 victims. After a brief interview in which he expressed his condolences and hope for closure, he reportedly burst out laughing and made airplane noises and mimicked two planes crashing. He then picked up the child of a deceased victim and whispered into her ear "Your dad's dead, ♥♥♥♥♥", and proceeded to put on a pair of sunglasses and unleash a barrage of martial arts attack on the small child. She was rushed to the hospital where she was pronounced dead due to extreme trauma. When asked later about the incident, Reeves became visibly sexually aroused and repeated the same attack on the reporter.

This is true even though ive only hit the 150 mark lol

Congrats on the 250 games, you are going down a tunnel that you will not be able to recover from.

Hugh Mungus

Well, let's see. Most of these pronouns are three letters. There are 26x26x26 = 17576 combinations of three letters. Unsurprisingly, there are ~40,000,000 Tumblr users, and since every single one is a unique snowflake we will need to move to a numerical approach.

One easy way to solve this problem is to assign every snowflake a set of three unique hexadecimal "pronouns." That way we can store this data in a computer easily, taking a max of seven hexadecimal digits.

Instead of "Phe went to McDonald's," it could be "4c95d30 went to McDonald's." Much easier and keeps everyone unique.

乇乂ㄒ尺卂 ㄒ卄丨匚匚

i question why you have so many ♥♥♥♥♥ on your profile

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I tell ya what, you just got visited by the friendly propane man.
If you don't post this in 5 comment section you'll suffer pro-pain.

Boosted®

you were boosted to 50

Here have a downvote

The great war started.

I remember, it was 6 years ago today.

69 Happy Birthday