gf is prego

we like to get kinky anyways

one night things get particularly saucy

i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights

wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period

i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering

ohshitohshitohshitohshit

i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital

she's still bleeding everywhere

by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent

oh ♥♥♥♥, she looks like she's in a vegetative state

storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything

he takes one look at ther and says

"sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do"

"WHY THE ♥♥♥♥ NOT???"

"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"

as his offical jelqmaster i have to say his form is rather down pat

I'm an official Fortnite athlete, and I'm looking for a girlfriend.

Being a genius is difficult; not because of any intellectual challenges or anything in that vein but due to the simple fact that most people are incapable of comprehending true intelligence when presented.

To be within the top 2% of society (intellectually) requires the strongest will, the most radiant mind, and an immeasurable amount of responsibility. As such, I'm looking for an equal partner to share the burden of brilliance (as close to an equal that is possible, anyway).

Requirements to date me:

120+ IQ.

Emotional maturity

Passion and will to fight for a future with me.

Willingness to fly to my country/state after 2 months of dating (we'll live together to determine if we're romantically compatible).

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+rep he is no longer a virgin