My true name is Mustache Man, and I live in a box. I enjoy surfing the interwebz in search of the perfect lolcat. Many nights in front of a computer monitor has altered my body and i now have a red cape permanantly attached to my back, and an extremely large and invincible mustache. I believe, however, that I may possibly be balding. I enjoy rescuing babies from undeserving parents and then consuming them whole. I do, in fact, wear clothing. My suit is skin-tight with the large initials "MM" on it, so you can see my chiseled chest and abs. Ears are unimportant, as is the ability to hear. Fingers? I don't need fingers to fire a gun, just my piercing glare to scare you into submission. While you're too focused on my daring good looks to react, I'll be looking through your mother's clothing with my x-ray vision. Enjoy your short time on Earth, because if you ever meet me in person, you'll wonder why anyone else's existence is actually necessary. I am the reason children cry when their parents don't take them to wal-mart. I'm the cause of the downfall of traveling freak-shows. I am the cure to AIDS, cancer, and wrinkly fingertips. I am the guy that peeks over the bathroom stall to make you feel insecure. And, most importantly, I am the only living being capable of making your mother squeal like a frightened piglet. I am.... Mustache Man.