Playtime past 2 weeks:
0h

View global achievement stats
You must be logged in to compare these stats to your own
26 of 28 (93%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

Most Improved Tapulator

Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Go Left

Move to the left.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Go Right

Move to the right.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Meet Your Maker

Penetrate God.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Summer Job

Reminisce about your care-free days as a cactus picker.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Fire Inspector

Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Early Bird

Swallow every worm.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Sleep No More

Don't let sleeping dongs lie.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Self Defence

Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Swan Tamer

Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Paperwork

Submit your monthly physical report.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Popcorn Buffet

Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Appalling Appetite

You should see a doctor immediately.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

A Better John

Start taking responsibility for you actions.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Master Unlocker

Collect enough milk to fill the tank.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Couch Party

Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Always Finishes First

Good at video games. Terrible at sex.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Generous Lover

Finish last in a Party Mode game.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Spare Wheel

Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

The Perfect Partner

Marry yourself in Abstinence.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

My Precious

Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Magnetic Basshole

Win Lights Out in under five seconds.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Safety First

Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Till Death Do Us

Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Autopaedicatio

Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am

Fussy Lover

Save yourself for that special orgy.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 11:28am



Bulking Gear

Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.

Clumsy

Die a lot of times in your nightmares.