Recent reviews by Pirateyware

I thought I was going to really like this one. The positives: pleasing, pseudo-8-bit pixel art graphics, nice music, central mechanics are straight out of one of my favorite games (Super Mario Bros. 3), and you play as a lesbian.

Unfortunately, it was a lot of little things that killed it for me. Why is the title screen jarringly HD when everything else is pixel art? Why is there voice acting, and why is it so dreadful? Why does the game still auto-duck the music volume when characters talk when you turn voices completely off? Why is it so heavily modeled after SMB3, but you can't wag your tail to slow your fall? Why do you go so ridiculously fast when you slide down a slope? Why do you get pushed off of ledges when you're standing within a few pixels of the very edge? Why are so many animations way too slow for what's going on? Why are the sound effects so muddy and lifeless?

If you think you can look past these shortcomings, I say still give it a go, but I couldn't.

It sucks.

If you like old ships and logic puzzles, this game is for you! Do be prepared to guess on a few identities if you're not Sherlock Holmes level of hawkeyed, though. There are some pretty gruesome death scenes, but they're significantly softened by the sketch-like art style.

Superb game. Smart, funny, and clever in everything from its story and jokes to its world designs and silly justifications for game mechanics. It has its flaws, sure, mainly in its platforming and combat, but nothing that I'd call bad, and its attention to detail otherwise is astounding. If you like adventure games or 3D platformers, play it. It's one of the best mixes of both that I'm aware of.

This is a pretty decent 3D platformer with nice visuals and music. However, if you want to play it I do NOT recommend the Steam version. Track down an old Gamecube, Xbox, or PS2 copy of it or emulate it. They completely redid the voice acting and it's terrible. Kao is supposed to have an Aussie accent and be pronounced "K.O." like the boxing term. All the new voice actors are bad, some of them more than others, and they all pronounce Kao's name "cow" or "kai-oh". I guess if you're deaf or something I can recommend it.

EDIT: Since I wrote this review, the game has been updated, and the English voices use the original dub now. All you have to do is select "English (US)". I recommend it! It's a good time if you like platformers.

Let's get it out of the way: this is an incredibly short, shallow game. There are 10 levels, and each one is a very small area (by 3D platformer standards) where you collect a few trinkets, give them to NPCs, and grab one last item to clear the level. There is very little to explore, no real enemies or mechanics beyond moving and flapping your wings to gain height, the "puzzles" are incredibly easy, and since you can flap 9 times before you have to return the ground, there's no tension to any of the platforming. A few levels have hazards that instantaneously return you to a starting point if you touch them, and a few levels have a blowdart item you can pick up and use to aim and shoot from a standstill. There are a couple exceptions to this formula: One is a simple and very easy kart racing course, and one is a very short, simple boss battle. Every level has a very short moment where you figure out what it is you're supposed to do there, and once you've done that it's just going through the motions.

For a $5 game, I wouldn't expect much in length or depth, but this game has so little of either, it's laughable. If the levels were just a bit larger and had more to check out, or if there was just a bit more depth of gameplay than running stuff back and forth with an occasional short distraction, I'd have thoroughly enjoyed this game. There's no hub, no health or death sequence for even the levels that have hazards, no interesting abilities, and besides the secret kiwi statues, no items that actually matter outside the levels they're found in. Even with the limited mechanics the game has, it would have been a very entertaining experience with a riveting, suspenseful story and cinematic flow, but it doesn't really have that, either. It's cute, but woefully lacking in gameplay.

Beyond the main story, there are a few secret items to find and a bit of bonus content. This did help sweeten the deal a bit, but it wasn't much. It saddens me to say that for all its charm, Macbat 64 fails to live up to even a $5 price tag. As is, it's a $3 experience at best.

Miner Ultra Adventures is the best ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ game ever. It's got radical movements. Ocarina of Time? Get that ♥♥♥♥ out of my face, it doesn't have radical movements. Half-Life 2? Babies' stuff. The kids love Miner Ultra Adventures. ♥♥♥♥ yeah.