Good day friends, and welcome. I would like to begin proceedings by boasting, somewhat brashly, that my skill at the competitive team-based sport, basketball, particularly my skill of the component of the sport wherein balls are thrown at the hoop with the intention of shooting, are significantly advanced. Indeed, they are advanced to the point that I could comfortably achieve the feat of scoring several goals while sliding across the bonnet of my car.

Now, allow me, if you will, to move on and indulge my brief aside on the matter of my fame and renown. It would appear that I have acquired, through my own endeavor, considerable influence and the remarkable amount of fame, or if you will, clout, among my peers. One might go as far as to say, that I for would not stop you from saying, that my fame is now comparable to the incredibly famous individuals, such as Thomas Cruise Mapother the Fourth, known to most as Tom Cruise. I, myself, indulge in the statement of such an equivalence.

I would like now to bring you to an important announcement. The characters I have been describing to you so far certainly constitute components of myself and my reputation, but one must be careful to note that in fact, such components of personality and fame are inseparable from the truth. The most important matter of fact, that I must now draw your attention to, is as follows: Regardless of who you think you have been dealing with, the respective of whatever mental imagery my previous descriptions have drawn up, you have in fact been in the presence of Ackquille Jean Pollard. Indeed, Ackquille Jean Pollard potentially in possession of a utensil.