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please explain this life
I think ive lost my mind
i sit n wish that i was 5
back when i couldnt read or write
so when i think of suicide
its like why would i wanna die
until i kick back at night and wonder why
the time is steady flying n its passing me by
like the ocean and the sky disguised by lies
another organism left on earth to realize
that living is just another way to keep you self confined
searching for something impossible to find
death is the answer to life

i just cant help but think
one day ill be deceased
i try to mask my inner being
with thoughts of living bigger dreams
stuck wishing i was slipping through the seams
ill never be anything besides my own worst enemy
through all the knowledge and deceit nothings taught me anything
other than the fact that one day ill be a distant memory
father left me hanging from the family tree
and ever since everythings just been dead to me
closin in on 20 still failing to see what i was meant to be

it feels like as the years steady progressin
im falling deeper into a heavy depression
been testing since the age of eleven and still aint learned my ♥♥♥♥♥♥ lesson
I was thrown into this war without a weapon
so i try to write about my life and find a way to express it
i tried to jump it 3 times n my mind is still fenced in
i think ive been bested
cant decipher the message
life is merely a vestige
so why live like a peasant

im watching as the time passes
another year another day
i feel like im going insane
everything has changed
ive lost my friends to some stupid ♥♥♥♥
but its myself that i blame
its seems like everyones depressed these days
i cant get away, i know we all think the same
were worried about the end
and what we're gonna do until then
what will we accomplish will we be satisfied
with what we've said we've all had to lie
and once we're dead have we said our goodbyes
did we really live our lives or did we just survive

i really wonder if hes up there waiting on me
you pray n hope for something besides turning into nothing
if i had to be honest i think its just a black abyss
a dream with everything that you could ever miss
that fades into the mist as you lose consciousness
you can tell me a million different things
i know in my mind i see it when i dream
a thousand deaths that end with me awakening
the final dream the final sleep
but this time its reality
youre fighting just to ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ breathe
you know that once you start to dream
you wont have the luxery of waking to the things you see
the grass is greener on the other side until that grass dies
then we can only reminisce on how it was alive

i wake up everyday deranged
just sitting wishing I could change
I'm still standing in the rain
watching my itsy bitsy life
get sucked right down the drain
i ♥♥♥♥♥♥ it up in every way
dropped my real friends for the fake
chose the drugs over my brain
now im living through this pain
i just cant help but think
that one day imma be deceased
and never find my inner peace

ive spent a decade training for the fight

i hear the bells ringing
the devils singing
got me squimish
witness the truth
and now i cant unsee it
12 demons got me believing
not what im seeing
what im thinking
what im dreaming
what im feeling
mentally inept
from the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ that they fed me
from the bitter age of 10
better get the medicine
im losing my head again
need sedatives
to prevent
me from ever living again


time is flying by
a decade of your life
you spent training for this fight
going crazy hoping maybe you could reason with the demons in your mind
always pleading with the lord
please let me succeed
please let me defeat them
before i sink
why is he always ignoring me
i cant afford the toll or fee