Anime girl: gets bumped into Anime girl: UwyyaAAAAH!?? WAAAH U WAAAH boobs bouncing furiously Nyaaaah! Waaaah! Uwaaaaa! falls on top of the male protagonist in slow motion Wawawaaah! skirt flies up exposing underwear Haaaaaa! Waaaah! Uwawawa! knocks down an entire shelf of condensed milk and gets soaked IiyaaaaAAaaanyanyaaaa! boobs squish against the protagonist's face with a cheesy sound effect UwaaaAAAAAAAAH! blushes

Now taking applications for a gf. You must be:

Female

Age 16-23

Japanese (exceptions will be made for white girls if small and skinny)

Willing to do as I as I ask

Have an IQ lower than mine (113)

Have 0 male friends

Cook 3 meals for me a day

Be willing to split to bill on a date

Be into kinky stuff (Will discuss in PM)

Send me nudes every day I do not see you in person.

Have sex with me as I ask

Be on birth control (condoms make me feel trapped, I simply can't find anything that fits)

Ideally not have a job

Install a tracking app on your phone so that I know your location at all points

I am a kind gentleman who will protect you at all times and in return all I ask is you pledge yourself to me. Please message me if you feel you fit this quota.

Sometimes when i see minecraft chicks i imagine being at the mall with them and we're walking and i need to tie my shoe, but i have a frappe in my hand, and then i just place the drink on top of her flat head. idk why, i imagine just a blocky minecraft lady with a drink on her flat head and my heart goes crazy. its really hot to me how i am basically dating a nightstand that follows me around, mmf, i can put like a book on there or mmmmmf

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⠀⠀⠀⢀⡾⣁⣀⠀⠴⠂⠙⣗⡀⠀⢻⣿⣿⠭⢤⣴⣦⣤⣹⠀⠀⠀⢀⢴⣶⣆
⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣮⣽⣾⣿⣥⣴⣿⣿⡿⢂⠔⢚⡿⢿⣿⣦⣴⣾⠸⣼⡿
⠀⢀⡞⠁⠙⠻⠿⠟⠉⠀⠛⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣌⢤⣼⣿⣾⣿⡟⠉
⠀⣾⣷⣶⠇⠀⠀⣤⣄⣀⡀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇
⠀⠉⠈⠉⠀⠀⢦⡈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣤⣽⡹⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠲⣽⡻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣜⣿⣿⣿⡇
⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣷⣶⣮⣭⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇
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-rep big hacker

Hate this guy