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如果您正好在凌晨4:20在水槽中大喊大叫“ amogus” 69次，一個身材矮胖的叫媽媽的媽媽將毆打您，您將在一個名為孤兒院的地方醒來

Having a penis is gay.

Dudes will really be like “I’m straight” but then I’ll pull down their pants, and sure enough, there’s a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥ between their legs. EVERY. DAMN. TIME. Like bro, there’s nothing more gay than having a literal penis attached to your own body. If you really were straight, you’d have shredded damn thing in a garbage disposal by now, just like I did. As a REAL straight man, it’s my duty to pull down these posers’ pants and expose them for who they really are. I don’t see any of THEM pulling down other men’s pants! Seems pretty gay to me.

It has been 4 hours since I successfully sucked my own penis. Things are different now. As soon as mouth-to-penis contact was made I felt a shockwave through my body. I have reason to believe I have super strength and telekinesis now.. 3 hours after contact I noticed a van parked on my street but no one has entered or exited the car since its arrival. I fear for my safety, I'm not sure what sort of power I may have stumbled upon but it's possible that the government has found out

A girl.... AND a gamer? Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! *eyes pop out* AROOOOOOOOGA! *jaw drops tongue rolls out* WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF *tongue bursts out of the outh uncontrollably leaking face and everything in reach* WURBLWUBRLBWURblrwurblwurlbrwubrlwburlwbruwrlblwublr *tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart* Ahhhhhhhhhhh me lady... *heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt* ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum *milk truck crashes into a bakery store in the background spiling white liquid and dough on the streets* BABY WANTS TO ♥♥♥♥ *inhales from the gas tank* honka honka honka honka *masturabtes furiously* ohhhh my gooooodd~