Recent reviews by Nacht

Keycard Poggers

Keycard Poggers

First off, you don't have the right, O you don't have the right, therefore you don't have the right

10/10

It's okay I guess
Clearly ripping off Skyrim though

Painfully fun
Disgustingly accurate
Relatable in a most peculiar manner

10/10 game, easily the best released this year!
🙏BLESS🙏

EDIT!
Since finishing the game in it's entirety, I can confirm that the game is indeed all that and more!
🙏BLESS🙏
🙏BLESS🙏
🙏BLESS🙏

You can have anime girls as your wallpaper
and they move
10/10

>Spawn
>Die to woodland creatures
>Get gear, kill woodland creatures
>Die to tree midgets
>Make bronze gear, kill tree midgets
>Find swamp
>Die to angry zombies and blobs of death
>Slowly gain iron gear, kill them
>Die to giant blob boss
>Cry

10/10 not even at the end yet

There's girls. Demon girls.
You punch bony boys and boulders like nothing, in a puzzle-solving manner.
There's good humour.
It's completely free.
What's there not to love?
Get it.
Play it.
LOVE IT

UPDATE: DLC is fun, and challenging. Final Boss is a prick, but worth the satisfaction at the end. An amazing (and completely optional) addition to the game!

It aight

0/10, wouldn't play again

- Would not play even if I had the option of playing it instead of playing E.T. for the Atari
- IGN does not approve
- Basically a cheap ♥♥♥♥♥♥ rip-off version of Magic: The Gathering
- Would much rather a centipede put in my arsehole than this
- Wasted hours of my already short lifespan
- Graphics are ♥♥♥♥ too. Who even designed them, a five year old?
- Combat's linear, could be completed by a blind person on the hardest difficulty, with both hands tied behind this back, using a Rockband Guitar
- Pong has a better storyline
- Speaking of storyline, the plot is the most cringy generic senario that could be made
- Was I supposed to be high while playing this?
- Knowing that my girlfriend was cheating on me would have been a more pleasurable experience than this
- The voice acting was cringe-worthy, Steven Hawking could have done a better job
- Suprisingly, this game looks like the best one they have made
- Some mind bleach is in order after a game session
- Animations are ♥♥♥♥, looks like the characters are gelatenous blobs being wobbled on a plate, and the explosions look like something out of a $20 budget movie

Truly, the best game ever conceived

Update: Yep, it's 2021, bordering 2022, and it's still #1