Hi babe, I couldn't help but notice your bra strap near snapping from the colossal magnitude of your sloppy, giant, curvy, perky, lactosious breaticular boobs. Your fun sized blazing bazinga bazookas, your money making bosomous bing bongs. I bet they must be spewing with milk constantly, much like the velocity of Niagara falls: fast, dangerous, yet sexy and provocative. I can only hope to experience the true weight and glory of your gargantuan, epic, splendiferous milky mommy breasty boobies one day.

I sexually Identify as the "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" joke. Ever since I was a child, I've dreamed of flippantly dismissing any concepts or discussions regarding gender that don't fit in with what I learned in 8th grade bio. People say to me that this joke hasn't been funny since 2014 and please at least come up with a new one, but I don't care, I'm hilarious. I'm having a plastic surgeon install Ctrl, C, and V keys on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "epic kek dank meme ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ owned with facts and logic" and respect my right to ♥♥♥♥ up social media. If you can't accept me you're a memeophobe and need to check your ability-to-critically-think privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

The changes that were made to Samus' character model are a massive downgrade, a disservice to the character, and an insult to her fans. These changes are unwarranted, unreasonable and indefensible. I have been unable to enjoy Ultimate to the fullest, knowing that my favourite character has been left mutilated and disfigured by Sakurai's team. I have absolutely no idea what possessed Sakurai to make such a drastic decision, but I will not be at peace until his errors have been corrected.

Zero Suit Samus deserves better than this. We can save her.