The Passion Of The Christ II
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God is a time travelling future space alien, and he gets our prayers when he's at his ship refueling like "hey god can you do this for me-" "say hi to my cat Jeepers-" "Hey God my mom is dying-" and he's like "♥♥♥♥ OFF!" and slams his fist into the control panel. God can't answer your prayers now Jimmy, he doesn't give a crap about your mommy's tumors. He's careening through space asserting dominance over his creation while in full T-Pose. A blip appears on his radar. Satan's Minions are mining gas out of the core of Jupiter and building a bomb out of black holes to suck the souls out of the life in the galaxy. God adorns his Holy Armor of Vengeance and appears directly behind Satan Himself. "WHAT THE ♥♥♥♥?!" "I'M OMNIPRESENT ♥♥♥♥♥!" and God whips out his massive Holy battleaxe of Arematheah. Satan bats it away with his hand and slaps him in the face with his ♥♥♥♥. "YOU ♥♥♥♥♥♥!" "HAVE A TASTE O' ME BRIMSTONE!" Satan laughs in his best Pirate accent as he farts firey brimstone boulders out of his ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ directly at Our Lord and Saviour, BUT JUST THEN, JESUS APPEARS. He flies in with a jetpack that looks like a giant crucifix made out of gilded spruce and cedar cuz he's a carpenter. He shouts out "Nooooooooo!" while pulling two gold plated holy .50 calibur Deagles out from his bathrobe and takes out all the brimstone shots while jumping in front of his dad with a massive erection, except for one that hits him square in the nuts. Jesus locks eyes with his Father and sheds a single tear as his mortal body burns to cinders; his soul absorbed by the spirit bomb. Enraged, God summons all the power of the universe into one final blast and hits Satan directly in the mouth with a hot beam of piss. He keeps blasting him while he screams, "¯:ççÖÖÖÖÖÊ◘♠♦☻♣AAAA•••" until Satan is no longer able to make noises and symbols.
God surveys the aftermath. Bodies lie motionless around him littered with debris from the fabric of space time, which was ripped during the battle but only visible to God. From behind the rip, Jesus emerges reborn, along with the souls that the soul hole succed. One of them is a little edge lord who wishes for greater things and power, though...

The End, sincerely, with love, Mel Gibson.