"There's only one thing I hate more than lying. Skim milk. Which is water that's lying about being milk."
"Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless."
"Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait...wait. I worry what you just heard was, 'Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.' What I said was, 'Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.' Do you understand?"