Recent reviews by PersonGuy

One of the original (and definitely one of the best) tile-matching games ever... alongside most of the other Bejeweled games, of course. There's more strategy involved than meets the eye, it's constantly pleasant to look at, the tracker music and sound effects are JUST PLAIN AWESOME and it can probably run on as many machines as DooM can, if not more. Also, like DooM, it has endless playability, especially given that it only has a couple of game modes. It's just as spectacular now as it was when I first played it in the early 2000s.

In fact, this may have been the game that started the "it's so addicting" tile-matching craze that has rotted (and continues to rot) the brains of non-gamer normies everywhere, what with Candy Crush and Toy Blast being as popular as ever, yet THIS game remains as wholesome and nostalgiapilled as it always has been; I guess that's what happens when something like this is so well-developed and has such a timeless aesthetic.

I got this game in a PopCap Games bundle deal; the game was $0.54. An absolutely top-tier way to spend 54 pennies; for me, it's a game that will never get old for as long as I'm still sucking oxygen.

A cute little Flash-like game. It's basically 'Where's Waldo', but with black-and-white line art... and cats. The music and sounds get pretty repetitive after a while, but for the length it takes to beat the free level, they remain relatively tolerable throughout.

I might invest in "unlocking" more of this game (*ahem*... spending money), but for what little the game offered for free, it was a nice, albeit VERY short, experience.

Actually, "game" developer, to answer one of your many snide remarks: one of my favorite buttons is the thumbs down button, for unfunny phone garbage like this.

Sure, the "game" looks nice and smooth (for what it is), the music and sounds are actually quite pleasant (relatively speaking), and plus... there's ACHIEVEMENTS... but if there's one thing I REALLY despise, it's being condescended to by the "game" I'm playing, even ironically. Statistically, one of these free clicker games had to be "meta", but I still find it incredibly obnoxious.

Within a few minutes of "playing", I broke out my autoclicker (as the "game" intellectually predicted I would), turned my volume down and walked away from the screen, to let the autoclicker do its magic and farm these achievements for me. When that was done and I came back to my computer, I closed the "game" and uninstalled it.

Oh, yeah... the uninstall button! That's ANOTHER one of my favorite buttons!

haha steam engine go choo choo

Well, that was thoroughly enjoyable! Even in its most difficult (or frustrating) moments, I was still completely immersed in the post-WWII American sci-fi-inspired atmosphere it brought to me! The game is pretty short, but don't let that dissuade you: it's DEFINITELY worth playing, ESPECIALLY for all its achievements!

At first glance, I thought this was gonna be a System Shock-type game (what with the wrench and all, and also, not a bad thing), and I was right, in a way, but I feel like this game is less abstract and more direct with its puzzle-solving. In fact, it reminds me very much of the classic Sierra games of the MS-DOS era, but like I said, MUCH less abstract. The whole "retro computing" aesthetic is done wonderfully here; the Portal-meets-The-Iron-Giant atmosphere doesn't feel forced and, when the robots loom towards you, it can get pretty terrifying (in a "Oh, God, I'm about to die if I don't get this door open!" kinda way). Hell, it's even got Minesweeper! To put it simply: this game is AWESOME!

Also, as it turns out: command prompts are a BIG part of the puzzles! NOW it's one of the best games I've played in quite a long time! It combines elements of computing from the past and infuses them into a beautiful physics-oriented 3D puzzle-platformer of the future!

Besides looking amazing, it also PLAYS well, too! It's a great example of what you can do with Unity if you actually put time and effort into developing your game.

The only gripe I can think of is when you climb a ladder; it locks your camera in a vertical path, and it just feels weird. Also, when you're on a ladder, forward is up and backwards is down, whereas in most other 3D platformers, forward and the direction you're looking in is the direction you're gonna go in. Again, climbing a ladder just feels weird. In fact, just GETTING on a ladder can be a bit counter-intuitive, ESPECIALLY when the ladder is below you. Another thing: sometimes, interacting with things or climbing up obstacles feels a little disorienting; in order for the prompt to appear, you have to be more precise with hovering over objects than I'd prefer.

Nevertheless, this is one of the most fun AND challenging demos I've played in a VERY long time! I'm ABSOLUTELY looking forward to a full version of this game!

average THE BUTTON enjoyer
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(i clicked the recommend button so hard, it turned into a not recommend)

When future generations ask me, "What was the year 2009 like?", I'll show them this game and ONLY this game. No Lady Gaga, no Twilight, no clips of Barack Obama, none of that! 2009 was the year a man... no, a GOD... maed a gam3 w1th z0mbies 1n it!!!1 Well, technically, he made a game with little zombies, big zombies, Muslim zombies (double negative), snakes made from small smiley faces, flashing lights and lyrics (yes, lyrics), big green blobs that split into little green blobs when shot at, asteroids, shards of glass, big angry faces, a plethora of power-ups that might be the best or worst thing to pick up at any moment, and an ever-changing background of .PNGs that match up with a hodge-podge theme song of some dude that sounds like Sheen from Jimmy Neutron singing a blue streak over a litany of various music genres... but the game's current title is just as good.

In fact, I'm thoroughly convinced that this game was just an elaborate ruse to get people to listen to the song. Surely, in order to advertise your progressive technical synth black alternative neo-psychedelic ambient intelligent dance FruityLoops-core arena pop punk rock metal grunge epic (with organs), you have to create QUITE the complex interactive visual like the one I "played"... or did it play me?

Well, at any rate, the ploy worked: I now want to buy this song in every format imaginable, including phonograph cylinders, and water (like in Metalocalypse).

For those who have read this review up to this point, please remember to play the theme song in its entirety, otherwise, you wouldn't be properly experiencing a timeless masterpiece and an important milestone in human history.

Yes, 2009 was a year where leetspeak and Flash games reigned supreme. It was a good year.

Oh, and the game itself is fun, too, I guess. I'm sure it's fun with friends, as well, but since I don't have any, I'll never know for sure. Of course, seeing the length of this review, you already knew that. :-)

Obviously lampooning hunting games... WITH A HORROR TWIST! Let me be clear, though: it's not a typical jumpscare horror that the denizens of the Internet have come to know, especially with Unity engine games; this game builds up to something of a climax, and it has more of a subtle aura of uneasiness that seeps in slowly, even in the most tense situations of the game.

Really, it IS refreshing to see that horror games haven't been COMPLETELY relegated to obnoxious, pig-headed (no pun intended) YouTuber bait. Plus, it's nice to see the Unity engine still being utilized in an experimental, but still structurally functional, way. It's certainly good in THAT aspect, that's for sure.

Unfortunately, defeating the boss at the end of the game boiled down to cheesing him on the side of a cliff. Like many Unity FPS games I've played in the past, aiming and shooting at fast-moving objects is like trying to shoot the 4sshairs off of a fly 100 yards away. It's not fun, it's just frustrating, and by the end, I just wanted to be done with the game, despite enjoying the non-game parts.

And to think I WASN'T playing a Unity game that was complete bollocks... gameplay-wise, at least. A real damn shame, too, since the atmosphere was quite interesting and genuinely creepy. Too bad it doesn't have much in the gameplay department, though, especially regarding the boss.

Nevertheless, I'll still give this game a positive rating; I enjoyed the sights and sounds of the game too much to NOT rate it up; plus, while cheesing bosses in Unity games isn't always FUN, it's usually FUNNY, and this isn't any different.

Wow, what a 💩 game! There's LOTS of 💩 to unpack here, so get ready!

Even though I don't speak the language this game was made in, it's generally not hard getting my way around platformers, and this isn't any different.

From what I can gleam, you play as a piece of 💩 trying to get out of a sewer. How apropos, knowing what's to come.

I typically don't mind games that center around toilet humor. In fact, there's lots of 'em I REALLY like; Boogerman is a great example that comes to mind. This, however, is not only pretty bland but, quite frankly, wholeheartedly tasteless, as well. The imagery used isn't cute or humorous in any way; it's just flat-out disgusting. Did the developers try to go for a wholesome atmosphere? If so, they failed miserably; everything is not only gross, but soulless, too; it's gross for the sake of being gross... which would be fine, if the game was at least structurally or visually INTERESTING in any way, but alas, it's not.

I know I just said I didn't mind the language barrier, but my God, the character you play is a wordy little bastard! He doesn't shut up! It gets to the point where his dialogue blurbs get in the way of seeing enemies coming at you! It's totally obnoxious!

The camera is zoomed in too close to your character; it makes it impossible to see where enemies or even platforms are. I found myself taking leaps of faith most of the time since I couldn't even see where I was going.

The controls feel floaty and sluggish, making doing ANYTHING in this game a complete chore. Look, I know you play as a floatER, but isn't this taking it a bit TOO far?

Did I mention the graphics? This is a BRUTALLY ugly game, even for Unity standards. Most everything looks janky and artifacted and just overall 💩. It's like they didn't TRY to even make the game LOOK good.

The music is adequate... at first. It seems to be inspired by Plants vs. Zombies music (which makes sense; that game is IMMENSELY popular in China), but mostly made with inferior samples and mostly produced in an inferior DAW. That, or it's mostly created by someone who doesn't have THAT much of a knack for music (this is probably the more accurate one). While the same looped music DOES get irritating after a while, it's not the WORST, and it's CERTAINLY not the worst thing about this game, so I'll give credit where credit's due.

The sound effects are... interesting, to say the least. Some of them sound good, but also sound like they were ripped off from other (probably better) games. Others sound somewhat mediocre or downright AWFUL; they range from tolerable generic sounds to horribly compressed excuses for noise. So, yeah, it's a mixed bag of 💩, non-💩 and kinda 💩.

I've already mentioned the ABHORRENT dialogue. It's ear-splittingly grating. Enough said.

Enemies don't have tact or even clear patterns; they just charge at you off-screen and ram into you as if they don't abide to the physical barrier of the game and its physics (or SIMULATED physics, at least). In the end, I found myself brute-forcing my way through EVERYTHING, since collecting ANYTHING doesn't seem to matter, anyway.

The small bird enemies are the WORST; they make a bee-line towards you without any particular rhyme or reason. In fact, why are there ANY birds in a sewer? Is this common in China? Is this just the developers attempting to be funny? Either way, not only is it misplaced, but it doesn't structure itself in any way that makes sense, even in a FICTIONAL world, where it's not SUPPOSED to make sense. It's just nonsense all-around, no matter HOW you look at it.

It would be nice if the 💩 you collect amounted to anything: extra points (if there was a points system), extra lives (if there was a life system), gradual health... SOMETHING! Unfortunately, it's pointless collecting 💩, just like in real life. I don't think that's supposed to be some sort of message, but I REALLY hope it isn't, anyway. The LAST thing I want is some socio-political message in a game about 💩 in a sewer.

Wall-jumps only work sometimes, and they only work going AGAINST the wall; don't try wall-jumping on the wall you're on, it doesn't work. In fact, don't try wall-jumping... PERIOD! It's so clumsy and 💩, it's a mystery as to why it's even in the game in the first place. Really, you could say that about most of the things in the game... but I digress.

Trampolines only work sometimes, as well; like wall-jumping, there's no telling HOW or WHEN they'll work, you just have to take a (quite literally) leap of faith. Don't jump into the BOTTOM of one, though; it'll fling you RIGHT down (usually into a death pit), and because it's THIS 💩 GAME, it'll NEVER fail to fling you FAR and WIDE! What a lovely game, a lovely, 💩 game!

In the end, I couldn't beat the boss in Level 2; I have no way of fighting him in the first place. I guess the 💩 quality was finally too much for this game to handle.

I'm not disappointed that I can't beat the game. In fact, I was GLAD I couldn't beat it, despite it being only 3 levels long. You know what's ACTUALLY disappointing about this game? Nothing about it was even remotely FUN. Not the levels, nor the bosses, CERTAINLY not the platforming or getting around ANYTHING... nothing! It's cold, it's calculated... but it's also a hot, steamy, broken, unfunny, INSULTING pile of 💩!

It may be unfinished, too. Whether this is on purpose or not... who's to say? It's BROKEN, that's for sure! It's almost like it was published without being tested for competency, or decency, or even PLAYABILITY. I guess some 💩 wasn't meant to be polished, and this isn't any different.

In fact, I think it's best to just let this pinched-off turd flush itself down the toilet. I just hope it can do so without opening its big, stupid, OBNOXIOUS mouth; instead, it should do it with a big, 💩-eating grin forcefully plastered right on its 💩-smelling face.

Survive the island? More like survive boredom and tedium from playing this game, amirite? 😕

Apparently, this game is a clone of a game called BEACHED. I didn't find this out until AFTER I started playing this game. Regardless, I'm reviewing this game based on its OWN idiosyncrasies, NOT as a clone of another game. Besides, as of writing this review, I've never played BEACHED, so it's not like I could do a cross-comparison, anyway.

Immediately after starting a new world, I saw that flipping through menus is counter-intuitive. For example, opening AND closing your inventory is TAB, but opening a workbench is E and closing a workbench is TAB. I find myself pressing ESC, which just pauses the game. Why isn't closing a workbench ALSO E? Already, I'm VERY annoyed, but I trudged on.

Speaking of trudging on: it takes FOREVER to get ANYWHERE in this game. All the stamina in the WORLD couldn't get you from point A to point B faster than the snail's pace you're forced to work with. At some point, I got two very heavy magnets, placed them on my W and LEFT SHIFT keys, and walked away for a few minutes to get a drink. I came back, and my guy STILL hadn't gotten to the point I wanted to get to. The rendering distance isn't THAT far, so my point B wasn't THAT far away! At some point, I got bored of trying to do tasks and not getting anywhere with 'em, so I decided to get killed by one of the random skeletons that dot this map.

In fact, I think there's only ONE map, and I also think skeletons spawn in the same places (but just sometimes), so that DEFINITELY takes this game's longevity down a million notches.

Teasing the skeletons and playing chicken with 'em was probably the most fun I had in this "game" (walking simulator). That, and getting the skeletons in the water. You see, the key is to make them use their lunge attacks toward the water, because every lunge attack moves them forward a little bit; the skeletons don't actually move around, so this is the only way to make them "move". Also, every time you load or re-load a game, skeletons spawn back to certain default places, so messin' around with 'em is pretty much a waste of time, much like pretty much everything else in this game.

Growing crops wasn't obvious to me at first. As of writing this, WATERING crops STILL isn't obvious to me; I STILL can't grow my own food, and I don't know why it should take THIS long to be able to in a game like this. In fact, finding ANYTHING in the crafting lists was a chore to do. It would be better if these crafting lists were much better organized... or if the game at least gave you suggestions as to what to do next.

Really, you can't grow ANYTHING! I don't know how to grow food, I can't grow TREES (which are, as far as I'm concerned, the ONLY source of plentiful food: coconuts; random bananas from random skeleton enemies that may or may not respawn don't count as plentiful)... what kind of survival game gives you things to grow, but then doesn't let you grow them? I might as well not even play the game! Oh, wait...

Forget making tools, too. It's one thing that they don't last that long, but it's a WHOLE new can of worms when you can't even repair them easily. In Minecraft, if you have two worn tools, you can just simply combine them in a crafting space to make one, less-worn tool. In this piece of sh1t, however, you have to make some sort of "repair kit" which isn't even worth it because it generally requires MORE materials than if you just decided to make a new one. What a complete waste of time AND resources, just like most everything in this game. You're better off just punching the trees; at least it's kinda funny watching your character flail his arms around like an idiot... but on the other hand, you have to repeatedly click on it (and hitboxes are pretty finicky in this game, mind you) in order to get any progress done, so I guess using tools are the only way to get more materials to make more tools that will get you MORE materials that you can't use to replenish ANY of your materials... again, you might as well not play this game at all. Who knows when the tree will be knocked down, too? It's not like it has a health meter when you walk up to it or something.

Also, what's the point of making a house in this game? In Minecraft (a GOOD game), houses provide shelter from enemies, are a central place to keep items, are a beacon for light, etc. I guess it's a good focal point to keep stuff at, but it's certainly not a shelter from enemies; enemies don't even MOVE! In the end, my house was more like a floor with walls, a window hole and NO roof, because having a roof would mean NO light would come in to my humble abode; that's just the way the lighting is, I guess. Who knows how you would even make torches, and it's not like you need them, anyway, since there's no day / night cycle to begin with. Speaking of lighting, there's some weird stuff happening between your character and the shadows in the ocean, but since this game has so many OTHER problems, it's not worth going TOO much into.

I will admit that building a house was kinda fun, though... when pieces weren't clicking into the wrong places, but still, I'll give the game SOMETHING.

There's no music in-game, but the music at the title screen is pretty nice. The sounds, on the other hand, get pretty annoying after a while. Since there's nothing else to listen to in-game except these repetitive sounds, and since there's also no actual DANGER in this game (other than falling asleep), I decided to just put some of my OWN music on, instead.

I didn't even see what the Multiplayer was like. Single player was enough of a trudge to get through, and since nobody was really playing in the first place, I couldn't be bothered to make a server of my own.

A day / night cycle, enemies that randomly spawn (from a certain distance, of course), MORE types of enemies, enemies that actually MOVE AROUND, randomly generated dungeons, caves, MAPS, different levels to dig to (like in Minecraft)... there's SO much that could be added to this game that would make it SO much more interesting. In its current state, it gets pretty boring pretty quickly, so unless there's some drastic changes made, I don't see it getting any better for me as it is.

Yeah, this is nowhere NEAR a positive rating. Funny skeleton enemies and shiny Unreal engine graphics aren't enough to polish this bare-bones turd. A shame, really, since it LOOKED interesting, but you know what they say: don't judge a book by its cover.

You're better off avoiding this game and just getting something like Minecraft. If you're poor, save some money up for Minecraft. If you're too lazy to do THAT... well, then, I don't know what to tell you. You're SOL. At any rate, don't play this.