Recent reviews by miinus

0/10
this game is actually the definition of dogwank 2006 arcade games

i played this game with a friend who is an ex-pro for the UK national team and he whoops my ass and all the poor Polish scrubs who try unfortunately find his lobbies.

to anyone who plays this pile of crap: AVOID CHARLIE_GGG AT ALL COSTS

Gameplay
☐ I lost all track of time
☑ Brilliant
☐ Good
☐ Okay
☐ I've seen better
☐ Bad
☐ Watching paint dry is better


Graphics
☐ Is this real life?
☐ Awesome
☑ Good
☐ Decent
☐ I've seen better
☐ Don't look for too long
☐ Toddler's drawings


Audio
☑ Eargasm
☐ Very Good
☐ Pretty decent
☐ I mean it's not bad, but it's not good
☐ Kinda bad
☐ Lil' Pump
☐ Russian microphones in CS:GO Deathmatch


Recommended Audience
☑ Literally anyone
☐ Fetus
☐ Children
☐ Teenagers
☐ Adults
☐ Senior Citizens
☐ XXX-Rated Porn Sites


PC Requirements
☐ Can you even run MS Paint?
☑ Potato
☐ Laptop
☐ An average PC
☐ Good PC
☐ High-End PC
☐ Ask NASA if they have a spare computer


Difficulty
☐ Can you find the '2' key on your computer?
☐ Point and click
☐ Easy
☐ Average
☑ An actual learning curve
☐ Difficult
☐ Dark Souls


Grind
☐ There isn't a grind
☐ Only if you want every item in the game
☐ Required, but not much
☐ Average amount of grinding
☑ A lot of grinding
☐ Too much grinding
☐ Get ready to waste all of your life to finish this


Story
☐ There isn't a story
☐ I guess you could argue there's story
☑ Enough for a Game Theory Episode
☐ Average
☐ Good
☐ Extremely good
☐ You can find this in a library


Horror
☐ Literally no horror
☑ Creepy sound/text
☐ Occasional Horror
☐ There is some Horror
☐ Just bullsh*t jumpscares
☐ Pretty Terrifying
☐ You just opened Pandora's Box and are now will be permanently haunted by demons


Game Time
☐ You can bust a nut faster than this
☐ Enough to warrant a non-caffeinated coffee
☐ Short
☑ Average
☐ Long
☐ Still playable even after you finished
☐ 69420 Coffee Marathon


Bugs
☐ Perfect
☑ A few to exploit
☐ Occasional bugs
☐ Average amount of bugs
☐ Can get annoying
☐ Cyberpunk: 2077
☐ Someone call pest control!


Rage-worthy
☐ Slime Rancher
☐ You must get p*ssed off at everything
☑ Occasionally rage-worthy
☐ Average amount of annoyingness
☐ Pretty annoying
☐ FIFA Games
☐ Even Mother Theresa would f*cking hate this


Price
☐ Free
☑ The devs should actually make it more expensive
☐ Affordable
☐ Average
☐ If you have spare money lying around
☐ You might have to skip some meals to afford this
☐ Set up a communist manifesto in order to force ownership of the game towards everyone

Fun for an old counter strike game, but if you cant run it, your PC is a potato

Ok so here is a fairly decent summary of the entirety of your CS:GO Dust II experience* (since you're a Silver I AUG scrub that can't learn a map that is more complicated than Dust II, don't lie).

Your Team:
You
The Turkish guy who won't shut the f*ck up
The toxic Russian guy who asks you to drop an 'AVP'
The salty Polish P90 scrub
The 8 year old kid that has transitioned from Fortnite and has never heard of the term recoil



The other team:
The DMG smurf who thinks he should be global
Two aimbotting Russian/Turkish teenagers that communicate telepathically
The guy who tries to p*ss you off all game by spamming 'lolumad?' every round
The guy that gets carried every game but claims to play for Na'Vi





All in all pretty decent game, just don't queue Dust II you are guaranteed to play hackers**









This game also contains many features that you will try once before going back to Dust II like the conditioned lab rat that you've become, such as:

- Wingman, the ultimate hack vs hack experience

- Danger Zone, the unsuccessful battle royal that attempted to copy Fortnite whilst simultaneously ruining your FPS because there are no rooms for the Source engine to make

- Deathmatch, the game mode where you're guarenteed to hear someone play music through their microphone which sounds like it has a Boeing 747 behind it

- Casual, where all the filthy casuals and noobs go to play people of the same calibre

- Arms Race, the gungame knock-off

- Demolition, the autistic child made from a three-way between Arms Race, Casual and Deathmatch that nobody plays

- Flying Scoutsman, the game that gives hackers their favourite gun (the SSG 08), Call of Duty level accuracy when moving and jumping, and also moon gravity for some reason

- Those !ws servers where you can change your default AWP skin into a Dragon Lore (skin not permanent and will only be available on said !ws servers)

- Plenty of HvH servers where you can check who has the better cheat software

- GOTV, where you can watch pros play in major tournaments live. Or just try and fly around the map trying not to touch anything










Oh yeah, and you can donate to Gaben's bank account by opening one of CS:GO's many lootboxes. These include:

- Cases, come on you've obviously played at least one of those skin unboxing apps on you're phone

- Sticker Capsules, where you can waste your money on unboxing a sticker to put on your gun and turn it into a gun-shaped Barbie doll, whilst also making the gun look disgusting

- Pin Capsules, where you can decorate your in-game profile with a tiny little pin that you have to pay $10 / £8 / 9€ / 755₹

- Graffiti packs, unfortunately this is not like GMod, CS 1.6 or source where you can just get a PNG or GIF of some porn and spray it wherever you like and you have to pay money for some graffiti which you can use an unbelievable 50 times! Yes that's 50 whole times before it is gone permanently! What a great deal! Donate to Gaben's wallet so he can let you waste more money on lootboxes and cause a crippling gambling addiction!

- Music Boxes, the way of letting people know that you're the big d*ck swinger in the lobby by playing 10 seconds of musical masterpieces, such as EZ4ENCE.










Overall: 10.1/10 - "Plenty of k*rwa, cyk@ bly@t' and salak" - That loser that spends his time in lockdown by raging at CS:GO for 10 hours straight (definately not me)











*This does not include the North American Matchmaking Experience as us Europeans believe that you are completely trash and Australian Matchmaking is essentially the definition of toxicity

**Other hacker maps include: Mirage, Inferno, Overpass, Vertigo, Train, Nuke, Cobblestone, Office, Agency, Cache and whatever new maps the devs will add and remove to scrimmage or reserves.

Terribly optimized, semi-realistic, tetris graphics zombie survival game that honestly isn't too bad



Game Modes
- Single player: where you can actually try to play the game the way it was intended to be played

- RP Servers: Full of 27 year-old virgins that refuse anyone to play slightly differently to the strict server rules

- 100x Loot Servers: Mainly Washington, full of annoying Swedish and German tryhard children that get butt-hurt if you insult them for being a TOTAL F*CKING LOSER

- Arenas: Yet another battle royale, but you can at least mic spam the server during the intermission phase

- That weird introduction map that took me an embarrassingly long amount of time to finish

- An option to make private servers that no one can connect to unless they are on LAN


- Gold Servers: 4̶̳̘̯̖͒͂̔̔0̸̡̠͖̺̳͙͇̍͆͛4̴͉̯̃̏͌̄͆́͠ ̶̢̪̜͎̩̲͌̑͑̐̉̀È̷̞̟͎̇̍̎͌͝ȓ̶̗̭̞͔̳̘̤̈̃͆̂̈̿̀͋ŕ̶̺̗̫̘͇̗̫̘̦͌̾͐̈́o̸̝̘̼̱̝̟͊̎̎r̷̢̻̓̿̇͒̀͊̒̋͠:̶̧̢̟̞͕̲̣̮̑̉͆̿̈͘ ̷̲͕̳͖̩̤̲͉̋͒̅̀̂͌̄̇Ņ̷̤͚̙͚̘̊̓̽̈́́͂̇̈́o̶̮͐̉̐̉̏̏̎͝ţ̴͚͔̳̫̹̮̺̔͋͑͛͝ ̸͙̯̼̘̫̉F̵̨̛̭͓̔̏̀̄̈́͊̽͘o̴̙͌̀ų̸̧̼̝̘̟̫͐̔ņ̵͚͍̬̗̗̦̱̲͑̄̔̈͝d̸͚͓̘̖̓̓͐͊̋





I almost forgot to tell you that there's lootboxes to waste your money on trying to get skins, just like Fortnite, CS:GO, PUBG, CoD and literally every game under the planet at this point. (Sorry French people, you can't gamble your money because your government hates lootboxes, f*cking loser probably wasted a fortune of his money trying to open Cobblestone cases in CS:GO and kept getting a SCAR-20 | Storm and got so salty he banned lootboxes in all games nationwide)