quite recently I had a similar problem to you. I was shoving hot peppers into my ass, and one of the peppers exploded. I was writhing in pain. I knew from the last time this happened, milk is the only cure. So I found the largest syringe available, filled it with milk, (unpasteurized, remember, thats the only way you get all the nutrients) and pumped my ass of it. I held it in, and it definitely helped, the only problem was throughout the day, it slowly leaked, and everyone around me was tormented by the smell of spoiled milk...