I was sitting there, next to a pizza when my friend told me about an abomination to god put into a video game. Unaware of my consequences, I followed his instructions and opened the game. That was when I saw the most egregious thing this game has to offer, a baby.

I had to destroy it's life, it looked at me with a smile, the smile of 1000 sins, 1000 pineapples on pizza. That was when I saw it, mount pineapple, the one very thing on this island that can kill this stupid ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ baby. As I walk the 5 mile journey up the volcano, being able to think about this ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ stupid ass baby and his stupid ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ goofy ass smile. I jump - into the volcano I go. My body burns into a crisp, staining the taste of the pizza for the person who's eat it. But it matters not, for the baby MUST DIE.

The marinara that is as hot as the very core of the sun, slowly makes its way to the baby. The mother and her stupid ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ baby were blissfully unaware of the marinara ejaculation that has occurred at the very center of the pizza island. It slowly starts to burn trees, the screams of terror as it devours its victims alive, turning them into a statue like Pompeii. The mother finally grows some ears and looks back; as she looks at the horror that the marinara is causing the island, it has already surrounded her and her stupid ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ goofy ass chicken leg of a baby.

But she outsmarts the situation in which she's been cast in, and yeets her baby to the person on the next rock. They jump to catch the baby, and succeeding the skill check, catches the baby. But they notice the marinara is quickly rising, and punts the baby to the next person on an even higher rock. They also catch the baby, giving the goofy baby a permanent concussion, but in his confusion tosses the baby towards a person on the highest rock. They attempt to grab the stupid baby, failing their skill check, in their stupidity fail to realise the current whereabouts of the child, and it bounces off their head. The baby, now slowly cooking, is extremely discontent as it is now tumbling towards its demise.

And with the baby turning into a crispy snack - as was my fate - my mission was a success. The smug smile that had once covered the face of the child, has been burned clean off his mug. But I contemplate, was it worth it to kill this small innocent child? YOU BET YOUR ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ASS IT WAS.