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12 of 28 (43%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

Most Improved Tapulator

Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.
Unlocked 7 Nov, 2022 @ 1:00pm

Go Left

Move to the left.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 1:57pm

Go Right

Move to the right.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 1:57pm

Summer Job

Reminisce about your care-free days as a cactus picker.
Unlocked 25 Feb, 2022 @ 5:22pm

Fire Inspector

Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 2:05pm

Early Bird

Swallow every worm.
Unlocked 10 Jun, 2022 @ 2:06pm

Sleep No More

Don't let sleeping dongs lie.
Unlocked 10 Jun, 2022 @ 2:03pm

Self Defence

Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.
Unlocked 4 Apr, 2022 @ 2:02pm

Paperwork

Submit your monthly physical report.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 2:06pm

Popcorn Buffet

Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.
Unlocked 4 Apr, 2022 @ 1:58pm

Clumsy

Die a lot of times in your nightmares.
Unlocked 10 Jun, 2022 @ 9:37am

A Better John

Start taking responsibility for you actions.
Unlocked 10 Jun, 2022 @ 2:07pm



Swan Tamer

Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.

Bulking Gear

Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.

Master Unlocker

Collect enough milk to fill the tank.

Couch Party

Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.

Always Finishes First

Good at video games. Terrible at sex.

Generous Lover

Finish last in a Party Mode game.

Spare Wheel

Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.

The Perfect Partner

Marry yourself in Abstinence.

My Precious

Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.

Magnetic Basshole

Win Lights Out in under five seconds.

Safety First

Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.

Till Death Do Us

Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.

Autopaedicatio

Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.

Fussy Lover

Save yourself for that special orgy.
+2

2 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked