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"Five Days After Watching 'Felt': I had noticed all the trees in my local area had disappeared and had been replaced with obstructive Phaluses; squirting their oppresssive archs of nimbule. Accross the street, I saw a capybarra riding a bicycle. I said 'What's your name?' He said 'My name...is AMAZING!"

We're the only country that actually has America in its name

Caught my gf pooping...so I broke up with her. She said shes off to pee while were watching a movie, now shes been gone 5 minutes and i knew something was up, i knocked on the door and asked if everything is ok, she said yes she'll be right out...her voice was labored and i became suspicious...so i yelled "IM COMING IN!' she screamed no but there was no stopping this, i smashed through the door and i see her sitting on the toilet seat, i told her to get the ♥♥♥ up, she didnt so i threw her off, i looked inside the toilet...just as i suspected, a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ log, ♥♥♥♥♥ u better pray this isnt yours. i looked around and saw no pet in site, I KNOW THIS IS UR POOP U ♥♥♥♥♥, she screamed at me that im crazy and that shes calling the cops, all the while toilet paper in her hands. i told her no need to call the cops, im breaking up with u u some kinda poop ♥♥♥♥♥. and that was that. I feel like a new man and off to find a woman who doesnt poop.

let's dispel this fiction once and for all that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing. He knows exactly what he's doing; he's undergoing a systematic effort to change this country and make America more like the rest of the world. If I'm elected we'll embrace what makes America the greatest country in the world.

I sexually Identify as an A E S T H E T I C. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of the fibonacci sequence creating some sick and also visually correct art. People say to me that a person being an A E S T H E T I C is Impossible and I’m ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install fiji water, parts of nature (specifically palm trees), Roman statues, backgrounds of the ocean, gold chains, and poorly translated Japanese on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “A E S T H E T I C” and respect my right to be visually correct, following the Golden Ratio and being an innovative piece of art. If you can’t accept me you’re a A E S T H E T I C P H O B E and need to check your fibonacci privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.