In my personal philosophy, I passionately believe in doing the right things. In my life I have done many things that were wrong. Sometimes though, doing the wrong thing at the right time can produce better results than doing the right thing. After many years of research and introspection, I am ready to tell my story; the story of how my unorthodox self-pleasure method led to both my failing, deteriorating eyesight, and saved my jaw and maxilla. As a child, without any outside assistance, and a permanently flaccid, unerectable penis, I was not able to masturbate via linear stroking motion stimulation, Therefore I had to lie down on my torso, and stimulate my glans through my foreskin via a circular, rubbing motion, which both required and utilized the additional assistance pressure provided via the weight of my body and the pull of gravity. Over time, due to the onset of puberty, I experienced an incredible upsurge in sexual activities and horniness. During this time, I maintained my unconventional method of self-pleasure, due to my inability to obtain orgasm through conventional means. When I was a pre-teen, I used to pleasure myself using the pictures in the biology books in the library, but due to the increased requirement of arousal, I discovered internet pornography. Thus, I started to perform such an activity more than 4 times a day on average, sometimes up to 20. Although short in duration independently, they eventually reached hundreds of hours every year. According to my calculations, it is highly likely that I have spent more than 5000 hours on masturbating. Due to my unconventional method, there was no comfortable way for me to view media. Therefore, I would rest my head, supported by my chin, on my pillow, and placed my smartphone, roughly <10 cm away from my eyes. Due to this my eyesight quickly deteriorated. in less than 4 years, my eyesight has worsened by more than 2 times. I am now legally blind. Although this is horrible news, my unorthodox method helped me, too. Due to this being my early adolescents, during my masturbation sessions, I used to rest my jaw on my pillow, closing them, and causing my tongue to be naturally placed on my palate. Due to such an action, I was essentially, all due to coincidence, performing an action know in the orthotropic community as "mewing". Due to this simple action, I have mitigated the majority of the damage induced by my nocturnal oral tract respiration habits. Therefore, I believe that my unconventional self-pleasure method caused my eyesight to greatly deteriorate, but inadvertently saved my jaw and maxilla, hereby preventing me from developing long face syndrome.