Recent reviews by Leepopo

I dishonored my family by penetrating our cat.

Last year, my uncle passed away of stage four necrosis. It was eating away at his lungs and brain tissue, leading him to forget most of my family's names/faces, including mine. He would lie in his hospital bed for hours, staring out the window day and night. The thought of this made me toss and turn, keep stressing my mind. I'd look for peace, but I could never attain it. The only thing he remembers that we shared was this silly game we played. I would spend hours playing the game sitting on his lap to madness, it was like a magnet that kept attracting me. My mind would run thinking about the compelling story even when I wasn't playing, fortunately I was not playing that fast. It would absorb all of my time, although the relationship with my uncle always came first, the game, last. We would play all day and night, sleeping beside one another so we didn't get lonely, the relationship really freed my mind at night. I miss you so much Uncle Larry, you and your horsemeat ding dong <3

Playing this game has been scientifically proven to create an enzyme in the human brain that repels women and increases the secretion from the eccrine glands and apocrine glands, lubricating the body with a water-like odorous fluid.

Replaying this masterpiece as an incredibly attractive, sultry, irresistable, very sexy, and in NO WAY overweight adult recently, reminded me of my childhood antics in the world of Oblivion. One time afterschool, before my bedtime of course, I decided to strip completely naked before playing the game. The day prior I made my character a very fine female Argonian mage, with an intense, passionate glare. I had a difficult time playing the game oppressed by the finality of the clothed society I was trapped in. The deep pain I felt on that first time playing, was not present in this naked gaming session. Being able to feel the carpet beneath my bottocks as I careen into the grasslands of Oblivion really got my goat, as they say. For hours I sat questing in only my black knee-high socks, rubbing my legs together scandalously at every successful enemy slay. My legs quivered for the deep, satisfying relief of a good leg rubbing of which could only be initiated by the cast of an ever-damaging fireball spell. This was the start of my obsession with socks and medium-length shag carpeting.

When I play this game I imagine that I am Senator Jeff Sessions throttling a small Zimbabweian child with my bare hands.

So my cat, Franki, recently came down with a pretty severe stomach virus. The vet gave me some anti biotic drops to put in his food but when I’d do that Franki wouldn’t touch it. So, the vet suggested using a small dropper tube to insert the medicine directly into his anus. The first time was absolute hell, my cat fought me the whole time but once the tube was in and the medicine pushed out he seemed to calm quite a bit. Well the next day he was acting strange, he has always been an independent cat, rarely coming around, never wanting to be held, but as I sat on the couch he started walking back and forth meowing and rubbing my leg. He then went and jumped up on the table where we’d done the application the night before and meowed louder and louder until I decided I guess we will go ahead and do the medicine treatment. This time he didn’t fight me though, and when I inserted the tube he closed his eyes, stretched his neck, and let out a noise that can only be described as a moan of pure ecstasy. Maybe the medicine made him feel better, I supposed. That night he slept on my bed curled up right next to me, which he had never done before. For the next week he’d do the same thing every day, meow on the table until he got his ‘fix’... But then the medicine ran out. Even though I had no medicine he’d still cry and beg for it, I thought maybe if I insert it without medicine he will realize it doesn’t make him feel better anymore and forget about it. Well that was 2 weeks ago and he is only getting worse. He walks around me all day with his tail up presenting his rectum and trying to entice me. He is demanding insertions more and more often. Yesterday I caught him looking longingly at the turkey baster... When I sit he jumps in my lap purring and rubbing me affectionately. It was then in horror I realized my cat thinks I’m his gay lover, and that I’ve been sexually pleasing him for weeks now. Needless to say the sexual tension between us is palpable. How do I let my cat know that I’m not gay, but still like him as a friend?

This game feels like trying to jerk myself off with a pair of ice skates.