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DOLPHINS STEAL CHOCOLATE MILK? WRONG. They SUCK UP GRAVITY through bendy STRAWS and use it to CONTROL TIME. Musk doesn’t burp rainbows, HE SNEEZES OUT UNICORN GLITTER, and every sneeze is a secret CODE. Starlink turns CLOUDS into LASERS that talk to my DOG and tell him to BARK AT TOASTERS. 404 ERRORS? That’s when the SKELETON PRESIDENT logs in to play MARBLE SOCCER in my WALLS. Pigeons are not ur uncle, THEY ARE MY MOM’S SHADOW ARMY!
DOLPHINS GOT THUMBS, STUPID! They keep 'em in SECRET POCKETS! Rogan is a dolphin king and Musk drinks nanobots 'cause THEY TASTE LIKE PEPPERMINT FUDGE. Starlink beams brainwaves into CATS to make them dance for the GOVERNMENT. Every 404 error is a secret MESSAGE to the ALIEN CLOWNS living under Nebraska. OPEN YOUR EYES!! The pigeons ARE DRONES but ALSO FRANKENSTEIN’S PETS. Bro, get a HELMET 'cause your brain is LEAKING all over the COSMIC FLOOR!
Plus, Rogan ain’t no dolphin sleeper agent, okay?! Dolphins don’t even have thumbs, idiot! You think they can manage a podcast? I bet you believe Musk drinks nanobot smoothies, too. Newsflash: the dude’s on a strict diet of moon rocks and CRISPR chips. And Starlink IS the internet? Bro, you high as f**k. Every 404 error? More like 404 brain cells missing in that theory. Bet your next conspiracy says pigeons are just government drones recharging on power lines.