Recent reviews by Bran - The Impaler

Little Finger (Petyr Baelish) features this game. That means his obsession with Sophies remains the same — from Sophie Turner to Sofia Amaral (MILF, btw) — and that's all you need to know about this game. Thus, I allow you to keep scrolling down to the next reviews. Bye!


Uh, I see you're still here. Ok, ok, context needed:

Quantum Break, in a nutshell, had the idea of bringing the most cinematic aspects to a game you'll likely never see around. From fantastic graphics to hollywood style soundtrack, there's no ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ way you won't see yourself inside a high-budget Sci-fi movie (you actually got, literally, A FILM during the game) Yet, it's still what it is: a game. The alchemy here is very simple: action levels + junction decision (your choice matters) + cinematic cutscene.
Looking back after beating this game, I neve thought I'd fall in love with this unusual formula. As far as I know, a movie is a movie and a game is a game. There's no midground. Oh boy, was I wrong...

Gameplay is something uncomplainable (does this damn word exist? Whatever): precise aiming, good dosage of superpower use (time manipulation), great story and acting, and most importantly (no, I'm not joking): THE BEST SOUNDFX I'VE EVER SEEN IN ANY GAME. Sometimes you'll just drop your keyboard and keep listening.

So, what are you gonna do, teddybear? Just stand there and let Little Finger play his little games in other Multiverses?

After all, Winter if Coming... uh, I mean... The Countermeasure is Coming!

Got this amazing game from a Totally Reliable Orange Grumpy Cat
He doesn't meow, but he says "I'm Good"

Despite the fact Dr. Amy looks like my ex-girlfriend, I actually like this game quite a lot. I should start by saying that choices DO REALLY MATTER in this interactive film. Even some minor decisions from the very beginning can impact the outcome.
In a nutshell, it follows the character likeability. How you get close or dislike a character will open new possibilities (if I'm not mistaken, there're 9 different endings and nearly 200 scenes to be unlocked).
I like the story, the characters and find it pretty straightforward. You'll be compelled to replay several times to check how many possibilities the narrative can present you. At first I cosplayed a nice guy. In the others, a total ♥♥♥♥. And so on.

Not so sure if the time is right for Little Bran (aka: me) to talk about the City of Gangstas and Milfs. Should I?

Well, let's start by saying I'm kinda speechless after scrolling down the reviews, which forced me to label these people in two groups: 1 - "I love Pay Day 2 and this is never going to amuse me as such". 2 - "I hate Pay day 3 and this is what it should have been".

Ok ok, let's first "everybody calm down!". (Just picture for a moment Lucius Malfoy playing moderate when all wands were up in the Mystery Department. Yeah, that's me, albeit I have dark curly hair, not straight blonde).

Aren't you guys forgetting a simple rule of gaming? The first? Square number one? Here it is: a game needs to be... entertaining! Plain and simple. Crime Boss: Rockay City fills this simple and very basic game foundation:

- Little Bran can talk about graphics (I have a mid-spec and play well in ultra/high/custom settings). You can still see the very fabric of clothings and the texture skin detail when you get close anyone — even considering this game has a kinda cartoonish approach to visual style. I suggest strongly you mess with the settings within the tutorial mission already and find your perfect beauty/performance/preferred spot.

- Little Bran can talk about gameplay, which is satisfying as well. The devs knew they didn't need to reinvent the wheel, just bring back what works in good fps games. Shoot, hide, crouch, etc. (Alright, alright, the only downside is that when you're running your shoes become rollerblades. That's funny, at least, huh?).

- Little Bran can talk about heists. The missions are relatively smaller and simpler compared to Pay Day 2, however, some can take longer in higher difficulty levels, considering you have to time infiltration, avoid detection and plan your next moves to take out guards or civilians; not to mention the procedural generation elements from some environments, contributing for replayability. You'll find yourself chatting with your friends about which is the best way to approach the missions and so far I had no issues with online gameplay as well.

- There's a Campaign mode you definitely should check out and it brings a brand new dynamic to the game. It features budget managing, turf taking, strategic thinking and, obviously, heists.

- Other than that, the Summer Luxury vibe this game features is gonna bring you back to Miami or California in the 80's. I find it both cozy and exciting.

Due to the precocious nature of this review (~10h gameplay) it could undergo quite a few adjustments — especially considering the devs are pretty active into updating this +80g pile of data. More ongoing content, luckily, to make y'all delete your porns.

Little Bran approves of this huge mountain of gigabytes. Therefore, kisses in your sandy summery tanned asses, okay?
Bran out. Bye!

Hi, my teddybears. How are you doing? Uncle Bran needs to point some things out for this game:

1 - The soundtrack is so pumped up it makes you score +100 nonstop combos without even noticing. After a while, you look back and ask yourself "What have I done?".
2 - Hammerfisting the X button to perform infinite combos will never get you tired.
3 - Perfect game for Retro Arcade Lovers. Also playable in local-coop with that nasty cousin of yours who can't play beat'em up scroll games.
4 - Have I ever mentioned the amazing Soundtrack?
5 - The characters are simple yet charismatic, especially the girl with her enraged screams as you line up monsters and kick their asses. It fits well with the soundtrack as if she's singing along with it.
6 - The soundtrack. Have I... er... talked about it?
7 - Really really nice if you love games like TMNT, Streets of Rage or Final Fight.
8 - The soundtrack... well, I might have forgotten that, right?

Just get it.
Kisses in your red asses.

I think the devs should take this game more seriously. It has a lot of potential to be abandoned, and it is too good to be free.

The gameplay hit the spot, which is something rare to see nowadays. It's calibrated, smooth and the zombie headshots gives you an addicting reward. In the end, the game is nothing more than a pleasureable loop, but what else do you need?

DEVS, get your ass back here and continue this game! Ok, ok, this is not gonna work. They're Chinese. I have to call them out in Mandarim: 都给我滚回来，继续比赛！

Also: 如果他们不让这个游戏继续运营，我就告诉习近平，这个游戏的开发者们叫他小熊维尼！

This is not a threat. That's a promise!

Get on with this and charge at least 5 bucks in this ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Game! You've been warned.
Kisses in your chinese asses.

One of the simplest yet best 2D platform games I had the pleasure to encounter at Steam.
The controlls are responsive, visuals are cozy and takes you back to some amazing other games you probably played, like Buster Bunny's Hidden Treasure, Zueirama (you can get it on steam btw), Sonic from genesis, etc.
Straight to the point: jump, attack, go right and relax. That's all you need.
ps: I love Kaze, The Bunny. It's a mix of Tails and Buster Bunny.

This was the first game I decided to play after my father passed away. Honestly, I don't know what I was looking for... a distraction for my pain, maybe... leisure, perhaps?... or a sheer attempt to carry on with my regular life, and that includes keeping my gaming habit to bring me a smile or two.
When I saw Downward in my Steam Library, I knew I had it for quite some time, among many others I couldn't find the right timing to sit down and play.
Again, I don't know what I was looking for. I needed to have the sensation of flying, jumping, as if was trying to reach the sky or something. I needed to have a sample of what heaven was like, unlike the types of games I usually play.
Well, getting down to business, Downward is a short entertaining game with fantasy and exploration aspects, but the main feature is the parkour. You boost for high jumps, touch the sky, fall, rebound, hook up, and all the rest. I mean, if you played and liked "A Story About My Uncle" this would be another nice option for you. I recommend this game, all in a nutshell. It brought me a bit of peace at least.

I'm punching the "Recommend" button so hard I think it's gonna be stuck and cannot be undone (and I didn't just do that because I'm listening to Jerry Cantrell's new song [Vilify] while writing this review — I promise). In any case, I'm pretty sure everyone in my contact list heard the noise I just made. One of them, by the way, told me to go to bed yesterday when spotted me out of bed playing "Metro: Exodus". What am I supposed to say? You, mere mortals, don't understand me — I mean, anyone in this review section giving thumbs up. I have new missions in life: save Anna, my beautiful wife, defend my train, sneak past ghouls and rescue teddybears for Russian kids. (Hear that, Soldy?).
Ok, so what's in the game that's making me as zombified at night as the ghouls I had to sneak away from in this vast snowy wasteland? Listen to Little Bran and take notes:

- Tons of games are known for magnificent gameplays or graphics, but few satisfy you by just letting you BE there. Yeah, just be. Just exist. Feeling the environment, the noises, the snow, the ambience. Up to this point the game already deserves a thumbs up, and I'm not even talking about gameplay and graphics. YET! The devs wanted to make you believe and FEEL you ARE there, left behind, hopeless, walking, crawling or just allowing your senses to do the work for you.
- Graphics? What can I say? I forgot how many times I dropped my keyboard, left my mouse and just stood there, drolling. One thing is for sure, if Neo was fooled by Matrix, this is another level even for him.
- Gameplay? If doing nothing wasn't immersive enough, the devs took a good look at the mechanics. If Metro: Last Light was amazing as f00ck already, they perfected the moves even more.
- Difficulty? THE MORE YOU DIE, THE BETTER YOU GET. Mark Little Bran's words: the game WILL NOT give you a moment of breath, for every moment, event, is gonna lift you outta your chair. Playing in hardest difficulty is simply outstanding, with a total of zero seconds of boredom. Every time a freakin' monster shows up is a WHOOOOOAAAA moment, where you scream of excitement. Even the bureaucracy of fixing/cleaning your weapon, counting ammo to go through a bandit camp, or radioactive pond monster pack, etc are sufficiently catchy to make you keep playing.
- Overall, by far, one of the most immersive games I've ever played in my life! You fall in love with every character, hero, enemy, monster, whatever.
- Soundtrack? I couldn't forget about that one. A Masterpiece, no doubts!

ps: DO NOT PLAY THE ENHANCED EDITION. It's tons of gigabytes containing bugs. This review goes for the original edition.

10/10 easily.

Sounds really good and doesn't look much like early access. It just needs to fix minor optimization issues, but overall, great job. Intend to keep playing it.