I love the kind of woman that will actually just kill me:

You know when I left the house today I was thinking "Damn, I really hope some hot chick paints my brains all over some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hallway." And here we are. I mean really, just absolutely destroy me. I'm talkin' full on, watermelon-in-the-thighs level carnage. And I want it to scare the ♥♥♥♥ outta me. I mean I hope I piss myself. I hope I piss myself and you call me your little "peepee pisspiss boy." I want you to ♥♥♥♥ me up. I mean I want you to make me your ♥♥♥♥♥. Your little peepee-piss-myself-♥♥♥♥♥. I want it to get embarrasing. I mean like...weirdly embarrassing. Unsanitary too. We should be entirely different people by the end of the first eight hours. Do you understand what I'm trying to say here? I mean, I'm a real freak, I'm not normal. Ma'am. Please. You have to crush me.

When I was about 13 I LOVED angry birds, I had every game and bought every toy they had. One day I was playing angry birds when all of a sudden the big red bird turned me on. I couldn’t stand it, I was going crazy. I decided to pull out my big long Willy and start jerking. I never had felt so good, I soon continued to do this daily and never got bored of it! That big red bird was so hot and those blue ones were some cuties. I am glad to admit I still do this to this very day.

+rep nice guy

wait, wait, wait.... hold your horses... uhm... YOU'RE A GIRL GAMER?!!?! O_O Not to be a freak but.. just when I thought you couldn't get more attractive.. you started playing video games. Nicely done, m'lady. You've just become every man's dream woman. If you had missed a couple before, now you can be sure you've got us ALL "drooling", lol.

+rep