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11 of 28 (39%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

Go Left

Move to the left.
Unlocked 27 Jun, 2020 @ 9:44pm

Go Right

Move to the right.
Unlocked 27 Jun, 2020 @ 9:44pm

Fire Inspector

Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
Unlocked 27 Jun, 2020 @ 9:52pm

Self Defence

Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.
Unlocked 7 Jul, 2020 @ 9:57am

A Better John

Start taking responsibility for you actions.
Unlocked 10 Jul, 2020 @ 10:34pm

Master Unlocker

Collect enough milk to fill the tank.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2024 @ 11:04am

Always Finishes First

Good at video games. Terrible at sex.
Unlocked 16 Mar, 2024 @ 12:22pm

Generous Lover

Finish last in a Party Mode game.
Unlocked 26 Jun, 2020 @ 10:45pm

Spare Wheel

Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2024 @ 10:26am

My Precious

Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2024 @ 10:25am

Magnetic Basshole

Win Lights Out in under five seconds.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2024 @ 10:48am



Most Improved Tapulator

Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.

Early Bird

Swallow every worm.

Sleep No More

Don't let sleeping dongs lie.

Swan Tamer

Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.

Bulking Gear

Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.

Paperwork

Submit your monthly physical report.

Popcorn Buffet

Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.

Clumsy

Die a lot of times in your nightmares.

Couch Party

Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.

The Perfect Partner

Marry yourself in Abstinence.

Safety First

Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.

Till Death Do Us

Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.

Autopaedicatio

Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.

Fussy Lover

Save yourself for that special orgy.
+3

3 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked