Recent reviews by Significantly Lower Investment

Pretty chill resource collecting game. Not sure why the kids on the twitch and the youtube keep screaming all the time. If there is an enemy, just walk past it? Are they stupid?
Can be annoying with how dark the hallways are, but once you know the layout of the maps you can figure out which rooms have fall hazards.

A friend briefly showed this game to me a few years ago, and I thought it would be a cool Stardew Valley-like game, but running a cat cafe. Seems great! You get to decorate the cafe, collect different animals (not just cats) and even make the food for the cafe yourself!
Until you get jumpscared by 1: poor performance caused by insanely bad optimisation, and 2: the worst 3D player controls I've ever used.

The poor performance seems to be down to the entire game using a single core for pretty much everything. Graphics Card barely gets touched. So even with an R9 3900X and RTX 2080S, i averaged around 110fps, which wouldn't be bad if it was a *smooth* 110fps. I was surprised a game with such simple geometry and textures could run so poorly on an at least decent pc.

And then we have the controls...
The control scheme itself too bad. Maybe a little unintuitive at worst, but they can be rebound. Some menus may have a delay on pressing the same key twice, but that's nothing in comparison to the player movement. I am genuinely impressed someone managed to make a movement system this clunky. Even I had smoother, more fluid movement when I first started learning game dev through Unity. To make a character controller this clunky (only made worse when inside a building) takes genuine skill, effort, and dedication, and so I think the dev(s) should at least be congratulated on that.

Apparently there was a recent patch that fixed some performance issues, so i am terrified to imagine what the game was like before I played it.

I'm Diamon 1

Gonk is always the Traitor. Source: American

Croatia may not be in the game officially, but that won't stop me from taking everyone's coastline. It is mine, you can't have it.

I'm fine with the murder, incest, cannibalism, theft, demonic rituals, psychological manipulation, and dismembering of corpses, but I draw the line at buying overpriced soda that tastes like ♥♥♥♥

I'm tired, boss

Honestly quite incredible this game is able to be sold when it's this broken. The first issue comes with needing to launch the game 3 or 4 times before it actually works. Then, regardless of if you choose to play online or offline, it throws you into the same mission, which ends in you car falling through the map. If you wait long enough, a "Mission Failed" screen will appear. And I say "if" because most of the time the game doesn't even load that, even on a Gen4x4 NVMe drive. I bought this for $10 on sale, but it's atrocious EA dares to sell this more money at all, let alone $100.

Full game is cheaper than Payday 2
Game isn't a horde shooter like Payday 2
Actually boots, unlike Payday 2 (post U237)
As close to Payday 3 as we can get until September
Goes on sale regularly for only $2
Only takes 3GB of storage space, compared to Payday 2's 80GB+
Also has modding support like Payday 2

Literally no reason to play Payday 2, or buy its DLC. Save your $400 and buy this :)