to everyone in my 8:30 class this morning: I was *not* masturbating


so i was sitting in the back row of my lecture and i realized my fly was unzipped. i was trying to fix it up before anyone saw me. however, my zipper was caught in the boxers, and it wouldn’t move no matter how hard i tugged. this was creating a commotion, and these 3 girls were starting to stare. so, i started making grunting noises to indicate i was trying to fix my pants. however, it seemed like it made it worse because they started whispering and more people started to stare. so eventually i just gave up and walked out the room. when i came back, everyone kept giving me weird looks. i am really sorry for today and i just wanted to clear the air.

⢀⠔⠉⠉⠢⣀⠔⠉⠉⠹⣦
⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠇
⠡⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⡟
⠀⠈⠢⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡾⠋
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠲⣦⠞⠋
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠠⠂⠉⣴⣿⠏
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠊⠀⢀⡤⠞⠛⠋⠉⣩⣿⡿
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⠊⠀⡠⠞⠁⠀⠀⣀⣴⣾⠟⠋
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡠⠒⠉⠁⠀⠀⣊⣀⣤⣴⠿⠛⠋⠁
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠊⠀⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⡆
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⠇
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠳⢦⣄⡀⠀⠠⢴⣅
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠸⠀⡔⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣉⡻⢦
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢁⠀⠀⠀⢀⡾⠉⠀⠀⠀⠻⡄
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡘⠀⠀⠀⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⠦⣄
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⠁⠀⢀⣴⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣨⣤⡿
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⠶⠖⠋⠀⠈⠻⢶⣤⣤⣤

+rep

\+rep After a good game in csgo, I added him because he seemed like a cool guy. We got chatting, over the next couple of months we became good friends. Lots of banter, lots of great CS and most importantly true friendship. I invited him to my house for a csgo lan party. He said he was coming so I was looking forward to meeting him in real life. When he arrived at my house, he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling my ear, I felt his hard D111ck push against my leg. I punched him and then 1 tapped him. Turns out he was gay. Don't trust this guy

I get horny from printers

When I was a teenager I got super bored and decided I wanted to see if I could get a fetish on purpose. I set up an experiment to see if I could get a fetish for something extremely non-sexual if I tried hard enough. So every time I wanted to whack it, I ignored looking up porn and instead looked up computer insides and maintenance imagery on google and tried to jack off to it.

The real kicker is that I'm the family's computer guy so I had to go to my grandma's house to fix the printer there, and I had to pull out the toner drum and I legitimately felt like I was doing something perverse. I could not stop getting nervous the entire time I was there because I was anxious about my poor unsuspecting family somehow finding out that opening up the printer gets my ♥♥♥♥ hard :/

TL;DR Jacked off to computer parts when I was like 15 cause I was bored and now I'm scared ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ of fixing my grandma's printer in case I get a boner

Radiohead

I hate when females listen to radiohead. Theyll never understand what its like to be a true social reject. A creep. A weirdo. Theyll never understand what its like to be italian. Nobody understands me because i call movies 'films'. I am literally the joker no one understands me

ℳᴇʀʀʏ ℭʜʀɪsᴛᴍᴀs & ℋᴀᴘᴘʏ ℋᴏʟɪᴅᴀʏs!!!
˛*.。˛*˛.*☆҉ *.˛★ ˛*.。˛* ˛. *☆҉ *. ˛*.。˛* ˛. *☆҉
°*_██_*.。*/.*˛\ .˛* .˛。.˛.*.★**★ 。* . *☆҉
˛. (´• ̮•)*.. .*/♫.♫\*˛. * ˛_Π_____.♥*.*☆҉ ˛**. ˛*.。˛. *☆҉
.°( . • .) °../• '♫ ' •\.˛*./______/~＼*. ˛*.。˛* ˛*.。˛* ˛. *☆҉
*(...'•'.. ) *˛╬╬╬╬╬˛°.｜田田 ｜門｜╬╬╬╬╬*˚*. ˛*.。˛* ˛. *☆
¯˜"*°••°*"˜¯`´¯˜"*°••°*"˜¯` ´¯˜"*°´¯˜"*°••°*"˜¯`´¯˜"*°°*"˜¯`´¯˜"*°